lauren in japan

2010-10-15T14:11:00.001-07:00

2008-04-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

Over a month ago I started washing my hands of Japan as soon as I set foot in San Francisco. By the time I got to Denver I was done, finito, over it. But I've been having some dreams and reminisces(es?) lately that make it obvious I didn't really wash my hands of that year -- I breathed too much of it in, and it will keep seeping out of my pores until it's finished, I guess. I don't know quite what to make of it, but I do know I need to start writing again.

2008-03-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

My last morning in Kashii.
Last shower.
Last tea.
Last trying to will the pigeons off my balcony only by staring.
And lots of frantic last-minute preparations!
Cheery-o.

2008-03-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

I've fallen way, way, way behind on communications lately because of my insane schedule at the moment -- so if you've emailed or messaged or carrier-pigeoned me in the past while and haven't heard anything back, don't worry, I don't hate you -- my brain is just a jumble of craziness and busy-ness that I'm having a hard time sorting through and getting organized with. March and April are the busiest months at the school so work is just being PILED on and I've got less than a week to be completely packed and moved out and the next five or six days in particular are just going to SUCK so once again, if you've barely heard from me I don't hate you. I just don't have time to whine AND contact you back, ok?

Just kidding! I ALWAYS have time to whine.

Wait...that doesn't make sense.

God I'm stressed.

2008-03-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

I've got this right eye twitch thing that's been happening for the last few weeks and the only time it went away was when I was in China, which makes it clear that communism has magical healing powers. Oh, stereotypes. I'm horrible.

Speaking of China, I know I wrote I'd recount some other China stories, but I'm truly bad at writing about my travels after the fact so even though I had intentions to do so, I just can't. Or won't. Or might. Sometime. I don't know, I'm busy! Quit pressuring me!

Speaking of stereotypes, the #1 question I will be glad never to be asked again once I've left Japan (in two weeks omg omg) is: "do you know how to use chopsticks?" Sigh.

Speaking of me being horrible, after about the tenth time of being asked that question, my response turned from a polite nod and an "mmhmm" to: "do you know how to use a fork?"

I know, I know.

2008-03-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

Beijing is huge. China is huge. There are a lot of Chinese people.

All of that seems obvious enough, but sweet motherloving PRC do the bottoms (and sides) of my feet (not to mention my throbbing calves) suggest complete ignorance of the first two. The guidebooks, the Internet, and a handful of students warned me against underestimating the distance of crap in China, but I thought EH, I like walking, and really, it doesn't look THAT far on the maps. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

(Also I realize that third statement about there being a lot of Chinese people doesn't really have anything to do with anything except it's incredibly true and seemed to fit with the theme of mis-expectancy.)

Really though, if you saw the state of my feet you probably wouldn't want to associate yourself with me anymore -- and I'd COMPLETELY understand. I mean, they were never the daintiest of extremities, especially with me having been a fledgling runner for a consistent couple years now -- and even being a little proud of the foot and toe deformities that developed out of that. At this moment though -- yeesh. I won't go into the details since you probably don't have the materials for an appropriate response at hand (such as a puke-bucket, or a monocle to exasperatingly drop in your tea).

Basically, the blisters (upon blisters) on the first day (via Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, Temple of Heaven Park) and the calf-destruction on the second day (via scaling the Great Wall) have got me walking sort of like I'm bowlegged...and on hot coals...with a limp.

But I guess I'm proud of my bowlegged hot coal limp too -- it means I did stuff. And doing stuff is neat. Especially when it's laced with communism!

Obvs. there's much more to tell. I'll recount some anecdotes this week including how I feel about spitting on the street, why I will forever associate Mandarin with the game show Supermarket Sweep, and my Great Wall friend.

But for Mao OOPS I mean NOW HAR HAR HAR here are some photos. I apologize for apparently only being interested in taking pictures of buildings.

2008-03-01T01:13:00.000-08:00

It's 1:13 a.m. and I've not packed yet! Shocking.

The first day of March was busy but good. I had a great time in one of my evening classes after they came across vocabulary describing double and single-breasted jackets and it wouldn't be funny to relay all that went down now but drool and drooling had somehow come up earlier in the conversation and then all the new vocabulary got combined and just taken too far and I was practically peeing my pants I was laughing so hard (and that because Saturday is insanely busy and I didn't have time to go to the restroom before class probably helped with that too). Oh man. Hilarity.

And now, to the packingmobile!

Effing China. What the eff.

2008-02-29T08:04:00.000-08:00

Not to harp on the whole China/visa/China visa thing, but --

1. I went back to the consulate to pick up my passport this morning and the visa itself is SO not as cool-looking as I thought it would be. I have no idea what I EXPECTED it to look like...
...actually I take that back. I just looked at it again for the first time since this morning and didn't initially see the detail that I now see, like a subtle image of the Great Wall behind some text that IS actually - DARE I SAY - pretty cool. NEVERMIND. I'll never prematurely judge the design of a visa ever again -- I have surely learned this, one of life's greatest lessons, today.

2. It was actually really nice to be out and about on a Friday before work. Normally on working days I'll get up a few hours before needing to be at the school for some Lauren-time, but rarely do I go out and interact with the Jworld unless it's for a run, and that's just in my hood. Word. Anyway, I felt all productive and stuff. Word.

3. Walking back to the metro from the consulate helped me realize that even though I'm nervous about going to China (which is so STUpid, I know how to travel, I've been LIVING in another Asian city with just as many language and cultural barriers for crying out loud, what's my PROBLEM? And what's with these CAPITAL LETTERS?) I know it'll obviously be worth it. Just picking up the visa made me really happy to be out doing something, to be out just -- living. (Seriously, I was so stupidly giddy about it I kind of felt like skipping but was afraid I'd fall into the canal I was walking/not skipping next to.) I just like -- life.

---

In other news, February's LaBloPloMo wasn't entirely successful but I do intend on attempting a post-a-day in March as well. March. March as in March. March as in the month I leave Japan. March as in WHAAA!?

In other other news, I've decided to start my six-month language project in April. I've been building my resources steadily and probably DO have enough to start in on the first language this month, but with the China trip, the last three weeks at work (including crossover training with the new teacher that I need to prepare for), mounting farewell party invitations (oh, how awful for me!), and orchestrating an international move, it seems I'm going to be a touch too busy to devote serious time to it. And it should have serious time devoted to it. Plus after the inevitable huge amount of floundering after returning stateside (what am I doing with my LIIIIFFFEE!!?!??!?!), it'll provide me with a purpose for living! Hooray!

In other other other news, dang it! There are several incredibly cool new students that I'm really sorry I won't be able to work long-term with.

In other other other other final news of this jumpy, poorly-written post -- 26 days.

2008-02-28T02:05:00.000-08:00

Top 3 Stereotypical Things to do on the Way to the Chinese Consulate for Procuring a Visa
1. Read Beijing guidebook on the train and subway
2. Listen to Mandarin language-learning audio walking to consulate
3. Wear communist socks throughout

That was my Monday morning. I think I'll just stick with the socks for tomorrow when I go to pick up my passport though. The visa is Y15000 for Americans and Y7000 for everyone else. If I had known how to scoff in Mandarin while turning in my application, I would have.

No I wouldn't have.

By the way, I'm going to China! I'm not sure if I ever made an official announcement. But I am! I leave on Sunday for Beijing and return on Wednesday. I'm kind of freaking out.

Everything is pretty much set except for sleeping accommodations.

While dropping off my visa paperwork on Monday, there was an American girl and a few other foreigners (I didn't recognize their passports or accents - perhaps Eastern European) in the consulate office (which looked and felt like a good ol' 'Merican DMV on the inside). They annoyed me. I realized that I really like not being around people that say things like "oh my Gawd, I can't wait to take pictures of all the crazy shit in Chiiii-naaa to show my boyyyfriend!! I heard they hang cat corpses from the clotheslines before they eat them. Do you think that's twrue-wa!?!"

I hate being a lone foreigner near a group of loud, obnoxious foreigners. It's like I get lumped in with them or am responsible somehow for not saying anything to them about being loud and obnoxious.

Then I heard: "K guyz, let's book our hostel tonighttt!!!! !!!"

So I changed my plan from staying at a insanely cheap hostel ($6.25 a night!) to a hotel (not yet booked yet but so totally will be).

I feel strongly that it'll be worth the extra RMBs.

2008-02-27T00:47:00.000-08:00

Oh, LaBloPloMo, how I've neglected you these past few days.

Oh well!

No but really. I can't necessarily blame lack of time for the negligence because I try to uphold the idea that you've got to make time in your life for the things that you care about. And though I care about writing and sharing my experiences and lame vlogs, I suppose I was just making more time for other things I care about too (like yoga and movies and the insane amount of social obligations that have arisen due the school-wide announcement that I'm soon to be leaving).

PLUS since I hit the one-month-til-I'm-home-mark this past Tuesday, time has been moving at an even warpier speed than the crazy quickness Japan-time normally goes at. (The illusion[?] of time's super-speediness is also what I'm choosing to blame my heightened state of clumsiness on. No one/thing has been walked passed without being bumped into this week. NO ONE/THING.)

I'm tired.

2008-02-23T11:59:00.000-08:00

This is how I felt today:

depressing post of the month

2008-02-22T01:48:00.000-08:00

Tonight the boards at Hakata Station listed the trains on my line as being well over an hour behind. After going up to my platform to check out the queues (which wound and wound), I waited 30 minutes for a train to come, and once one did, wasn't even close to being let on.

I tried to kill time by listening to a Mandarin lesson on my iPod, but finally decided to take a cab, because my feet were killing me and I didn't want to deal with waiting for the next train that was scheduled to arrive 40 minutes later (that I could tell -- the boards/announcements aren't in English, so it's hard to tell which number corresponds to what) that I might not have gotten onto, and would have been all sardine-like and squished had I gotten on, and that would've taken 20 minutes longer than normal to get home on because when the train is packed like that they drive slow as molasses.

When I got back down to the main station one of my students ran up to me and we were all "can you believe the lines!?" and decided to share a cab since she lives only a station away from me. I learned from her that there was an "accident" at a station two away from mine in Hakozaki. I asked: "a train-train accident or a person-train accident?" and she kind of winced and swallowed and nodded at the latter.

The term "accident" is what is used to describe a suicide - a lot of them done by jumping in front of a train or on the tracks - which is exactly what an accident isn't, except nobody here will acknowledge otherwise or say ANYthing about it, at all. I gasped and told her I felt bad about being annoyed at such little things like the long train lines and thinking about how my feet hurt and not wanting to be on a crowded train after finding out the reason for the delay, but she didn't react, waited a moment, and asked me how work was.

It's just strange -- me wanting to talk about it and think about it and shake my head and be sad about it out in the open, and her, swallowing it, along with so many others here, down down down into that national pit of non-acknowledgment where so many Japanese things - "accidents" and otherwise - go to die.

2008-02-21T01:16:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, after a class finishes, I'm tickled by the words I've scrawled on the white-board that came about during the class (for spelling and/or new vocabulary purposes) and curse myself for not having a camera on me at all times to capture the unintended hilarity. The words on the board remaining from tonight's lesson on present hypothetical conditionals:

subterfuge
zombie attack
molester
bumble bee

How does a combination of words like that even happen!? I was in stitches.

2008-02-20T01:39:00.000-08:00

I had a bunch of things that I intended on accomplishing today (mostly to be done this evening) that I wrote out last night so I wouldn't neglect/forget them. They were:

1. 20 min. Chinese language study
2. 15 min. China trip planning
3. 30 min. exercise
4. LaBloPoMo entry
5. 15 min. language goal preparation research
6. 30 min. reading

But after getting to the school this morning and looking at my schedule I realized CRAP tonight was the night I agreed to go out with some of my students after class. ZEE GOALZ! ZEY WON'TNICHT BE ACHIEVEDenSCHTEIN! It was totally fun and worth it though, except when I broke the news about leaving next month and it got a little sad -- they immediately planned a farewell party though so HUZZAHNACHT.

Ok, I'm done with the fake German.

#4. CHECKENSBURG.

2008-02-19T06:29:00.000-08:00

Being a teacher at a language school has got me wanting to be a student at a language school, but I don't know if I could stick with it, and I don't know which language I would choose. Of course, Spanish would be the most useful back in the homeland, but for some reason I've never been all that interested in it compared to other languages that have perked my linguistic senses. So, having already won the language lottery with English, any language study would be purely for...fun? I don't know. Based on seeing all of the work my students put into learning another language day in and day out, it can be fun, but it can also be frustrating, exhausting, and obviously incredibly time-consuming.

So I've got this idea to take six languages and six months and study one language every month using various resources just to feel each of them out as well as to prove that I would have the discipline to study (I'm thinking of maintaining a minimum of 15 minutes a day for studying, which may not sound like much, but any more seems a bit too daunting and I'd probably quit immediately because I'm just that flaky regarding self-imposed goals).

I keep feeling like I should say that I know just one month of studying isn't going to be very valuable -- but I see what just a month's break can do in decreasing a student's ability (you'd be surprised), and I see what improvements can be made in a just month (quite a bit) -- all the time.

I think the important thing is I'll definitely know more than when I started, even if all I'll be able to say is "hello," "thank you," and "I'm sorry, I don't speak _______" six different ways. Throw in the occasional "you seem to have mustard on your shirt, ambassador" or "my your mustache is bushy!" and I'll be happy.

The languages I've been considering are:

Portuguese
Italian
Hungarian
because I love the way they sound

Russian
German
because I'm scared of the way they sound

Spanish
because I could secretly be harboring an interest in it

Will I have the time and energy to get this idea rolling by the start of March? Time will tell. I guess the only way to do it is to do it.

For now, though, I'm going to drink some water upside-down because I've had violent hiccups throughout the writing of this entire post and ZEY MUSTEINT CONTINUENICHT! NEIN! (Perhaps I'll be starting with German! But real German, not made-up-when-I-have-violent-hiccups German.)

give me back my shoes alan

2008-02-18T02:20:00.000-08:00

So I fell behind for a couple days on LaBloPoMo. (Fret not! Those couple of days will be made up in the form of two double postings...sometime before February is over. I know you don't really care. It's really for my benefit as I don't like not achieving things. And my goal of using double negatives isn't not going swimmingly, by the way).

Anyway, when I logged back in after those couple days and looked at my monocle post (below), what I originally posted as this:

turned into this:

.

And I'm totally keeping it.

2008-02-15T01:54:00.000-08:00

Monocle monocle monocle! Do you know how many times the word monocle has come up in my life this week? Well, only like four. But on completely seperate occasions! Well, two were related. But still!

I've been thinking about renaming ye olde blog here since in about five weeks I'll no longer be in Japan and if I'm reading the signs correctly, I believe "monocle" is destined to be part of the new name.

Mrs. Elizabeth Muffin

2008-02-14T02:22:00.000-08:00

Happy V-Day, boys and ghouls. Special shout-out to my kick-a$$ boyf: holla! Yeah-yuh! Raise tha roof witchyo bad self!

...And that's enough of that.

I got a few little V-day treats from students, all female, as only the ladies give gifts to the opposite gender, which I guess means I'm a boy. One of my students even brought me a treat in a bag from the company she works for, and it happens to be the most amazingly-named company ever:

I got a bag from MRS. ELIZABETH MUFFIN. Apparently I think this is the funniest thing that's ever happened.

Let's take a closer look:

Repeated giggle fits throughout the night have ensued and show no signs of slowing.

In other news, it's 2:30 in the morning but I'm running myself a bath because I'm so unbelievably cold since Japan was built sans central heating and my dinky little heater does jack diddly. So myself and MRS. ELIZABETH MUFFIN must say ta-ta since the cold is in my bones and must be banished...BANISHED I say!

2008-02-13T01:40:00.000-08:00

On the train, most of the time, I cannot distinguish one train conductor's voice from another as they make announcements of the approaching stop, or the current stop, or the estimated time of arrival at the final destination. They all sound relatively the same, save for the one time the conductor who makes announcements (they're the ones at the back of the train, not driving) was a woman.

But in the last few months, every once in a while, there is one train conductor's voice that I have continually recognized, and for one practical reason: he sounds like Marlon Brando in The Godfather.

Well, I've never actually seen The Godfather, so I guess he more sounds like the impressions of Brando I've heard through the years -- that strained, throaty tone that's has always seemed one-part calming, one-part terrifying, and two-parts "dude, a Ricola would clear that right up!"

I always get excited when I hear Brando Conductor's voice -- I imagine that instead of giving waaaaayyy too much information at and between each stop* he's giving us sage advice about making offers one can't refuse.

*Seriously, the back conductor will start talking as soon as the train starts moving and yammer on until you're practically halfway to the next station, there's a minute or two of silence, and then they pick right back up again with the same information. They announce the name of the next stop three times: when pulling away from the last one, and on the way to AND pulling in at the next one, along with other, at-least-thrice-repeated-but-largely-unneeded information. But what really really makes me go into Lauren-rage (LAUREN ANGRY! LAUREN SMASH!) is that there are still - STILL - those Jhags who have to nervously peer out of the window or block the entire doorway to stick their heads out at every single station to check the station name, and never stop fretting about missing their stop and won't settle down, even though they've probably been taking this same train line for their entire lives, and always - ALWAYS - get off at Hakata, the most obvious and gigantic train station that is impossible - IMPOSSIBLE - to miss AND do you know what happens when you GET to each station? The STATION, AGAIN announces where you are and you can hear it from inside the train, like so:

"HA-KA-TAAAAA! HAKATA desu!"
(Hakataaaaa! It's Hakata!")

Oh, how I loathe the Jhags. I gotta get in cahoots with Brando Conductor so he can "take care of it." Wink wink, nudge nudge, Ricola Ricola.

2008-02-12T06:11:00.000-08:00

I never drank Fanta before coming to Japan. I think you know why:

Guh. It's not even one of those annoying commercials that sells a product because it's so annoying you go ahead and buy the product based on the advertising that was effectively bashed into your skull juuuuusst enough to make you remember it, but not completely hate it ("one Chia Pet, please.") Instead it's one of those annoying commercials that cross the hate line where you're all "wow, I'm never, never, never, never supporting that product based on the advertising alone."

HOWEVER. When I moved here, my carbonated beverages options were severely limited. I could have Pepsi, Pepsi NEX (like Diet Pepsi but tastes worse), Coca-Cola, No Calorie Coca-Cola (like Diet Coke but tastes worse) or...Fanta. That's it. No 7-Up, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Sprite, or any flavored or diet variation of those. And don't even think about searching for root beer or Sunkist (SOON-KEIST)...you'd be laughed (or confusedly stared at) out of your prefecture. So I eventually caved. And I started drinking Fanta. AND OH, THE SHAME.

...Luckily, I've recently found vindication in the following Japanese Fanta Commercials:

FANTA SWEETY FLAVA! Thanks, Japan.

2008-02-11T15:00:00.000-08:00

I’ve been hankering for a concert and there’s a show (called “lives” here, which at first I thought was stupid but have since accepted into regular speech, probably because I’m just used to using it by now) tonight in Tenjin but I’m debating whether to go or not. Let’s make Yes Go/No Go lists! Ok!

Yes Go
+I’ve been listening to the Blue Hearts all day, this Japanese punk band from like ’85 – ’95 that are so good and it makes me yearn for more music
+I haven’t been to a live for over two months
+I want to support my friend’s band playing tonight, cause they’re good and fun
+It’s an early show (starting at 7:30) so I could probably catch the last train home and not have to pay for a cab and even though I work tomorrow, I start at like 1:00 p.m. so going out wouldn’t hurt me sleep-wise
+It’s social, and I’ve been anti recently, and change is good

No Go
-I don’t know the style of the other bands playing, and I don’t know if I’m in the mood to suffer through potentially bad music, but eh
-I don’t know where in the lineup the band I want to see is playing, so if they’re last or close to last, it may actually be too late for me to catch the train, and TRIPLE ugh to that
-Cover will be expensive, China has me wiped for yen, and I’ve got two more weeks ‘til payday
-Me and my hair and my clothes and coat will smell like smoke because frickin’ everyone smokes and I hate it – so I’d have to wash my coat by tomorrow (it’s too cold to go without) and blah
-I think I’m hitting the apex of this weird almost-sickness, so my sinuses have taken to draining themselves every couple hours out of nowhere, and I keep getting these slight headaches that go in and out like waves – I don’t think loud music in an enclosed space is going to help that

Hmmm 5 and 5. Whine whine whine. I’m just going to see how it goes and make a decision later, of the split persuasion.

Here's the Blue Hearts SKINNIEST LEGS EVER:

2008-02-10T22:17:00.000-08:00

To enact the "art" part of my 2008 "art, running, music, listening" motto I went got some cheap art supplies a couple weekends ago and got ready to doodle a bit. It'd been ages since I'd drawn anything though, so when I sat down to really produce somethingI was kind of lost to how to start going about it. (Please note that I use the term "produce" lightly, as I'm no artist, I just used to do art-y things a lot more than I do now[never], and was inspired to start up again during a late-night trip to the craft aisle over the holidays at home by some girlfriends buying paint supplies because they were inspired to do some art stuff again too. My trip to an amazing contemporary art museum in Tokyo helped as wellllll.)

So I started looking around the japartment and thought I'd get back into practice by just drawing other art. I like to call my results "interpretations" of the originals, because they're clearly just lame copies, but WHATEVER it was fun to do and felt good to be art-y again! I'm not just a monkey in a suit! I can make ART! Woooo-eeee!

Here's my colored-pencil interpretation of a liner-notes page of a Dredg album:

And the original:

And a pastel crayon uh, thing, of a postcard I got in Prague:

And that's it! Heh. A supreme artress such as myself needs her rest, you know. So help me decide what to do next!

a) the cover of my Japanese-English dictionary:

b) a live poster on my wall:

or c) the front of a postcard I got from Kate:

Which one which one which one!??! I'm not actually in a big hurry. I just like to pretend that art makes me crazy and frantic.

collections

2008-02-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

These vlogs are far too long, so I don't blame you if you don't watch them. Plus, they're boring. AND because of this perpetual almost-cold, I'm sniffling through the entire thing(s). Oh, and I say "I don't know what that means" about ten jillion times.

Ooo the negativity is strong with this one!

2008-02-08T01:00:00.000-08:00

Last night I spilled my grape juice about ten minutes after one of those moments where you're all "I totally shouldn't put my cup here, it's inevitable that I'm going to knock it over, seriously, what am I doing? Ohp, ohp, here I go, there it goes...it's down. Oh man, I'm so spilling that. I could still move it. Nahhhh, never mind, it'll be fine, as long as I don't forget that it's there."

Of course I forgot it was there, because that's what I get for resisting when my brain is trying to make me smarter. No biggie though. I have hardwood floors that've proved pretty good at handling my various spillage throughout the year. I got up to get some paper towels and when I turned around I gasped and recoiled a bit because the grape juice looked so much like a puddle of blood that for a second I thought I'd inadvertently lost an appendage. Damn you, eye trickery!

But all my appendages are in tact! And the knees are healing nicely. And there was no stain on the floor. So all in all, everything having to do with grape juice and blood is coming up Lauren. Can't say the same for this pesky brain, though. BRRRRAIIIINNNNSSSS.

2008-02-07T09:28:00.000-08:00

I was daydreaming and fell down the motherbleeping stairs.

Actually, I just missed the last step coming down to the ingress of my apartment building as I was thinking of how I wanted to write about the used bookstore that was once catty-cornered to the entrance (they only had a tiny English section, but it was still fun to browse). Daydreaming daydreaming daydreaming and...I was abruptly mid-flail, then violently skidding across the ground, skinning both my knees (I just HAD to wear a skirt today and ruin my new pantyhose GUH) as my purse and all its contents crashed loudly on the dirty, not-quite-cement-but-just-as-hard tile.

Oh yes. I totally, totally biffed it.

As I scrambled up and collected my things/self I saw the black high heel from the foot that hadn't missed the step had remained on the stair above in perfect placement, like someone had been walking and just up and vanished, which I guess is what kind of happened: I vanished from the land where I had pride and didn't have the injuries normally sported by 1st through 3rd graders.

There had been people walking quite a-ways behind me and though I don't think they caught the initial tumble, they definitely saw the shame-infused aftermath, and definitely definitely heard the series of curse words I immediately bellowed post-impact.

I only took a picture of one knee because the other wasn't nearly as dramatic and gooey. I so can't wear my fleece pants tonight.

2008-02-06T06:51:00.001-08:00

There's a new ramen shop in Hakata named The Noodle of Prejudice. My favorite co-worker (the only one I've been able to tolerate as of late -- I don't know what it is but either I need to become less irritable or they need to KNOCK IT OFF -- seriously, anything they're doing, they just need to stop it and become less annoying*) and I debated on whether the namesake implied that:

a) we gaijin wouldn't be let in, or
b) we could only be let in if partook in prejudicing.

He was for the former; I was for the latter and gave some examples which shan't be repeated here because I want as few possible written examples of evidence for my descent into hell. (Although I'm really excited to have just used "partook"!)

And I'm still not ill, despite feeling that it might be the end of my mostly healthy days last night. Apparently my body fought enough through the evening to make it through another day without allowing whatever is brewing inside of me come to full force -- and though I'm not full-on ick with sick, this body battle it has left me completely wiped. I was supposed to run some errands before work this morning and while I technically got up early enough to do so, I was moving so slowly that had I NOT gotten up when I did I'd have been late for work. Folding up my futon and blankets took like ten minutes. And don't even get me started on putting on pants.

*or creepy! I'm not going to name names, but here is part of an e-mail I sent a friend about...well, let's just say it rhymes with "slew Mapanese bo-merker": "I have a ______ who is bat[expletive deleted] insane and tells me things that are related to nothing. The other day I was grading some homework and she said "I'm good at those" and when I looked up she was pointing to the paper cutter. And we had said nothing of the paper cutter. And nobody had been using the paper cutter. She's probably going to kill me, and NOT with the paper cutter, because that might actually be connected somehow." I just said "congratulations" to her paper-cutter comment and went right on grading, which, yeah, is bitchy. But after a couple weeks of being uber-polite and overly-forbearing I decided that was enough of that when the weird comments just never stopped (and always came -- and are still coming! -- when I'm trying to work). Sigh. And actually, save for the slew Mapanese bo-merker, I really do like everyone I work with...just not this week.

PS - Caucus is a funny word. And I'm out!

2008-02-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

I expected to get sick over the weekend since I've had a perpetual sore-ish throat for days and days now -- I could feel my body fighting something and I was fine with just going ahead and succumbing to the sickness but NAY, it wouldn't give in.

Now, though, it's the beginning of the workweek, so I've rescinded my initial being fine with feeling like crap into really not wanting to be ill at all, which probably explains why I've been going downhill, health-wise, all day long and now feel like utter and absolute bollocks.

*throws something dramatically*

2008-02-04T02:12:00.000-08:00

I got 12 out of the 13 things done on my To Do list for this weekend. That's got to be a personal record or something! Usually I don't even get 1/4 of the tasks on my weekend (or any) To Do lists done, even when I list To Dos like "1. - Make a To Do list." (Seriously, I put that on there . I know, I know.) But all the ones for this weekend were legitimate To Dos! And boy did they get done! Except for that one that didn't. That one was to give my bathroom a good scrubbing, but eh. I did all of my laundry which wasn't even ON my To Do list, so it's not like I was spending that time...in...torpidity. (Thanks, dictionary.com.)

Honestly I think I've mentioned doing laundry in this blog more times than would be considered normal, especially since it's probably normal to mention doing laundry in your blog about living in Japan zero times. Perhaps it's because I used to do laundry with such astonishing infrequency that the fact that I've (mostly) kept up on it here, and do it at least once or twice a week even though I hate it, continues to amaze me.

Stop it, Lauren, stop talking about laundry.

...ok. Anyway. Go out and do stuff day was good, although I left a bit later than planned due to a glitch on my iPod that wouldn't sync any bands that started with the letter "O" which conveniently housed the only band I really wanted to listen to today (Of Montreal, and yes, I know how late I am getting on the bandwagon with this one but cut me some slack I live in JAPAN and my pop-culture skillzzz aren't up to par and if it helps I'm now completely obsessed which I'm realizing is a term I keep throwing around a little too much and should probably stop since it will devalue those things I am claiming to be obsessed with should there be too many) whilst commuting downtown large parenthetical break. I restored it and it fixed it, but not before a lot of cursing and the like.

Now I'm going to put on some socks and go to bed.

Laundry!

2008-02-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

It was all rainy and windy and freezing out today -- AGAIN. Now, I love me my rainy days, but this is the third weekend in a row that's been right crappy out and it's making me cantankerous. And though I usually stay confined to the japartment on the weekends anyway, I kind of miss having the choice and declining to go out. Makes me feel powerful.

So instead of walking to the far-away grocery store (there's peanut butter there!) as was my plan before the outside ruined it, I talked to Carl on Skype:

And whilst talking saw a cute pigeon on my balcony:

Normally I hate the pigeons that come to my balcony, but this one just seemed so cozy, hiding out from the bad weather, tucking its little pigeon chin in into its little pigeon chest, and not defecating all over the place. WELL DONE, PIGEON, WELL DONE WITH THE CUTENESS AND NON-DEFECATION.

It did stop raining later in the day, so I bundled up and did that spot of shopping as my cupboard was bare, save for the ten cans of tuna I impulse-bought months ago at Costco that I will probably never open. I always forget that I don't really like tuna. On the way back it started OH YES pouring once more, so I just looked up at the sky, squinted my eyes, and shook my head disapprovingly. It just kept raining. Ah well.

I've dubbed tomorrow "go out and do stuff" day, whether or not it's crap weather or not. YOU SHALL NOT DEFEAT ME, CLOUDS. I was originally going to go to the Chinese consulate to apply for a visa, but I haven't been issued an e-ticket yet by the travel people so I can't. Well, I guess I COULD still go there but...yeah. With the pointlessness and all. Think I'll just head into Tenjin and do a bit of shopping or head to a cafe or some such leisurely business -- mmmyes, mmmyes, I'll be a lady of leisure -- perhaps I shall wear my lace gloves and monocle -- mmmyes.

2008-02-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

I took my TV out of the closet the other day and hooked it up, wondering if Japanese television had changed since I initially shelved it during my first month in japartment land. It hasn't:

Think of how useful having that giant red conveyor belt could be. Like, you're stuck talking to someone you don't really like and they just keep going on and on about whateverthecrap they're going on about and you give the signal and *whoosh* they're out of there.

And I love that every kind of variety or comedy show (of which there are many -- the same in maintaining their CONSTANT noise level and carnival-like sets) always has like a panel of people watching the show (even if they aren't judges, like in this clip), so not only are you watching the show, you're watching people watch the show. Even a news program I saw at the airport had two hosts, and whenever one was doing an interview or something, there was always a little bubble at the bottom of the screen that was showing the other host's reaction while they weren't even in the room, or totally off-screen, and generally not participating in any other way than you are by watching!

However ridiculously hilarious Japanese TV is, though, I still can't withstand it for more than a few minutes -- I feel that if anything was ever was going make me have a seizure, that would be it. Plus GOD the NOISE. So the set went back in the closet, and I started daydreaming about a panel of Japanese people watching a TV show of my life --- they weren't amused.

2008-02-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

Bad news. Every thought you've ever thought you thought was clever or individualistic or fantastically observant was already thought by Marcel Proust. And not only did he think thoughts you thought were your thoughts, he recorded them beautifully, masterfully, in detail, like they were nothing at all but commonplace -- which they are, and were -- and that's horrifying and humbling and, sometimes, oddly comforting.

I've been reading Swann's Way now for months. It used to be that the only time I had to read it was on the train to and from work, but now it's my rule. I can only read it on the train to and from work -- and so the months have added up -- but it kind of has to be my rule, because it's so detailed and involved I need a certain level of distraction (noise and crowds and being tossed about by insensitive train conductors) to keep un-distracted enough to read it. I've tried reading it, several times, in my apartment and at a few cafes -- but it's too quiet, too focused . I can't explain it, really. But I'll bet Proust frickin' could've, that talented bastard.

2008-01-29T09:56:00.000-08:00

This whole not-posting-much thing is crap. I've only got a short time left (less than two months c-c-c-crazy!) and tons more to share. Therefore, I'm officially (well, as officially as a posting on a personal blog will allow) making February Lauren Blog Posting Month -- or LaBloPoMo -- for all the cool kids to start using. As with November and as the title suggests, I shall post a blog every day in February. OH YES, I SHALL.

In other news, I should be sleeping right now but I'm not. Thankfully had a cancellation for tomorrow though -- a double private lesson with this student who also takes French lessons and apparently goes to Paris a million times a year who just won't focus so everything he says is this insane amalgamation of a little English, a little more Japanese, and mostly French. I like the guy, but he kind of thinks he's le shit. Sometimes I answer him back in French but he doesn't seem to notice and/or care that he's not the only person in the world who knows a touch of francais. The point is I'm using the energy I would have used in those two hours with him right now playing mah jongg and listening to music and...general mucking about. Oh such coffee will be needed though.

Also! Trip to China is reserved. Booya.

Also also! I didn't go to Tokyo to do that video thing. I accidentally made plans for Monday awhile back not realizing it was the same weekend and whathaveyou and work has been tiring and the flight prices went up and blah blah blah.

Also also also, I was looking into going to a concert in Tokyo next month but it's pretty much impossible to go about getting tickets. Lame.

Also ALSO also also...what's that you ask for? Another Japanese band from the 80s that Lauren is obsessed with? OKAY! It's a sickness, really. I must be stopped. But before then, The Stalin:

2008-01-14T02:04:00.000-08:00

Holy freaking mackerel.

It's been a crazy/amazing (cramazing!?) couple weeks and even though I haven't had a proper night's sleep in what seems like forty years, it's only because of the pretty bitchin' life I currently lead, so I don't mind much. And what happens when Lauren is too lazy/exhausted (lazxhausted!?) to relay all of the dirty details? A LAZXHAUSTED LIST. So here's what I did:

Started saying bitchin' more times in a day than is acceptable.
Tried to get all my graduate school application elements together before leaving to go back home and failed miserably.
Had a few panic attacks at the SEA-TAC airport after my flight to Denver was canceled which resulted in my crying more times than I ever have in public and JUST WANTING TO GO HOME more than I ever have and eventually doing so twelve million hours later.
Saw many but not all of the people I wanted to see for roughly three seconds each.
Started being really dramatic about expanses of time.
Ate goooooood food.
Became even more grateful than I already was for my amazing family and friends and boyf.
Never ever slept.
Left America sadly but came back to Japan with a cousin in tow happily.
Worked one exhausting, pointless day before the weekend.
Went to Tokyo with said cousin on said weekend and reveled in amazingness.
Decided on my motto for 2008 - "Art, running, music, listening." It comes with an explanation, but I won't bore you.
Almost missed two flights by trying to be too Japanese and only checking in 30 minutes before a domestic trip. (NEVER AGAIN.)
Went to a coworker's farewell party and sang more out of tune at karaoke than I ever have before - a fantastic, unthinkable feat.
Thought my Saturday was going to be horrible but was proved wrong because of some great classes and students.
Made a delectable breakfast burrito this morning.
Somehow pulled together the remainder of my grad school app stuff (except for the choosing of my writing samples which I'm going to do in exactly 14 minutes but I needed a break get off me).
Listened to a guilty pleasure song four thousand times (including right now) that I will never, ever reveal.
Decided to make instant mashed potatoes before picking out those writing samples.

And that's all.

OH! Actually, I also got a general e-mail from the guy who made one of my favorite online videos ever:

I first saw his dancing video years ago and read all his travel-blogs and such and have always checked back in to his goings-on because I think what he did was cool and it interests me. Anyway, he got sponsored, made another video, and is in the process of making an additional one. Because I live in a place not America I signed up for an update just in case he ever came to Japan since his next video is about people not places or some shit. ANYWAY the point is he's going to be in Tokyo on January 27th and I COULD potentially go be in the video he shoots for that, dancing a crazy dance, for no reason at all (which is probably the best reason) SO SHOULD I GO!?

The responsible part of me says NAY because a) I just went to Tokyo last weekend, and b) I want to go to China next month so I need to save money, and c) is it silly?

The irresponsible part of me say HELLZ YAY because a) come on, how cool! (unless it's silly is it silly!?) take a chance and be crazy and b) I could fly there for pretty cheap, like less than two hunskies (that's Polish for $200) and totally still have enough to throw down for Cland and c) I loved Tokyo and would not mind going back at all, especially if I could finagle a friend into coming with me.

Your 2c, plz.

PS - It was bitchin' to see all of you that I did see and not so bitchin' that I didn't see those of you who I didn't but soon enough our time shall come. !!!
PSS - HOW IN THE HELL IS IT ALREADY JANUARY 14TH. ???

2007-12-25T06:20:00.000-08:00

Well, on my side of the world, Christmas is nearly over! It was very traditionally Japanese Christmas in that I worked. And as evidenced above, I've also got a nasty cold! But worry not, I'm about to curl up with some hot chocolate and Prancer. Merry Christmas everyone! I love you very much and I'll see a lot of you very soon. Yes!

2007-12-16T10:10:00.000-08:00

Lauren decided it was time for a Christmas tree.

And lo, the Christmas A-Series Swinging Christmas Tree, Gold it was. She laughed in the face of the poor fool who bought into the B-Series Non-Swinging Silver. Ho ho ho, ha ha ha!

JOY. Now for the unpacking and assembly. Ooo, shiny! So shiny, in fact, that Lauren was distracted for a full twenty minutes before unpacking the remaining effects.

Whatever shall she do? So complicated! So many pieces! So much construction to be done! Vex, vex, vex.

But Hallelujah! Pictographical instructions!

After consultation of instructions and a few calls with a contractor, up went the A-Series Swinger...

...and HARK! The spirit of the season officially started in Japartment-land! There was much rejoicing.

But did it actually swing?

And yes, Lauren was listening to Genesis throughout the building of her A-Series Swinging Gold Christmas Tree. Who better than to get one in the Christmas mood than Phil Collins?

in the cold december rain

2007-12-03T23:07:00.000-08:00

Just got in from Christmas shopping, and boy are my arms tired! Wait...that's not right.

Anyway, it was p-p-p-pouring last night and windy windy windy. Here' s what my balcony had to say about it:

I had it on that one spot so long because I was waiting for a train go by because the rain plus wind plus train noise was pretty cool but it didn't happen. Not sure why the lights in my neighborhood look so green either. Perhaps I'm residing in a radioactive area! Crap. It would explain the third eye I've been sporting lately. Huh? What? I'm going to bed.

2007-12-01T00:08:00.000-08:00

Culture Club's "Karma Chameleon" has come up in my life thrice today, on unrelated occasions. That's gotta mean something.

Also, I've been having urges to read the Little House on the Prairie books.

And finally, I at last faced my fears of bumps and holes and tried some bubble tea. The tea part was delicious but those little balls of tapioca at the bottom still freak me the beep out.

Loving would be easy if your colors were like my tea - red gold and green, red gold and gree-he-he-een...

sockspicious

2007-11-30T00:42:00.000-08:00

It's the last day of National Blog Posting Month and I'm going to celebrate by writing about socks.

Most of the time, after I've finally convinced myself to do laundry (about once every two months), I won't hang my socks up to dry on the balcony with my other clothes as I don't have enough clothespins to clamp all of them down so they don't fly off the back of my building when a strong wind hits (which I've witnessed happening...twice). Instead I put them on the back of my chair, like so*:

Usually I don't sit in my chair when my socks are drying -- I like to give them their space to air out, and besides, they're cranky when they're wet. Because of that, and because I did my laundry right before I went to bed last night, I was quite surprised to notice their position upon waking (and some milling about):

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE TRYING TO CRAWL DOWN THE CHAIR.

Stripey: I can't take this anymore! I'm blowin' this popsicle stand fellas!
Confetti-y: Yeahs! No kiddings! Let's bail!
White and blackey: Right behind yous guys. Tell that Lauren to go suck a lemon!

I have no idea how it happened. I also have no idea why my socks have the accents of 1920's New Jersey gangsters. I obviously either sat in the chair or bumped it or something but I've no recollection of that happening and besides I noticed it pretty soon after getting up.

And I thought I was doing them a favor by allowing them to dry inside. Puh. I showed them who's boss and balled their sock asses up and put them where they belong: on lock down in the state draweratentiary.

*photo taken retroactively

2007-11-29T00:51:00.000-08:00

Here's the top of my toilet. The top little faucet thing starts after you've flushed and you're supposed to wash your hands with the water that's being used to fill the toilet back up.

But...I can't. I just can't do it. Even though it saves water and everyone else does it and the water is perfectly clean, I still walk across the hall and use the sink in my washroom. It just irks me! I'm spoiled.

choo choo

2007-11-28T07:21:00.000-08:00

Japanese has such similar sounds to English that sometimes when I step onto a train where people are talking I swear I'm hearing English words, like I've come into the middle of a conversation. Really, my ears are tricking me -- I can feel them perk up at the sound of what they think is English -- like a dog's hair standing alert. It's weird.

In other news, one of the cutest things I see about once week are these two junior high school boys in their uniforms running to catch the train that I've just gotten off of -- they always have these huge grins on their faces, like they're gleeful to have been doing whatever made them late and it's so fun just trying to make that train. It makes my heart happy and puts a big old grin on MY face.

DAWWWW THAT'S SO CHEESY.

homesick limerick

2007-11-27T06:53:00.000-08:00

There once was a girl named Lauren
(But in Japan they pronounce it "Roren")

She fought her homesickness with zest
But it won't let her rest

'Til she's statebound December 27 mornin'.

2007-11-26T08:14:00.000-08:00

I had a very American day.

I went to Costco with some friends and we bought lots of delicious American foodstuffs (got a whole roasted chicken for Y988! That's like $8.50! Fan-clucking-tastic!) Cinnamon-raisin bagels were also on the agenda. And don't forget about the ridiculously large carton of Goldfish for those magical mac 'n cheese meals! Mmmmm so homelandy.

Afterwards we went to a movie in a movie theater! I haven't been to a movie since I left the States because they're crazy expensive at Y1800 a pop ($16) and for some reason it has bothered me enough to keep me away from the gloriousness that is the movie-going experience. However, if you see the last showing of the day, it's only Y1000. So we did and saw The Bourne Ultimatum. I even got that old feeling I used to have when the movie gets to a quiet part and only then do I remember I have my cellphone turned on with a really loud, obnoxious ringer/vibrate combination that will disrupt the whole audience should someone call at that moment, but then digging around in my bag would be equally disruptive, so I'm on edge hoping no one will call until the movie gets loud again and I can turn it off but usually when it gets loud attention is demanded so I forget about the whole cellphone thing until the next quiet part and I get all on edge again. Tear. It'd been too long...

After that we saw some Norwegians. Not really specifically an American happening, but it happened nonetheless.

VIVA LA COSTCO/MOVIES.

2007-11-25T00:35:00.000-08:00

Alright. Phew. Only six more days until National Blog Posting Month is over. For this one I'm dipping into one of the questions I got from my friend Audrey -- she asked what store in Fukuoka will I miss most when I'm no longer here.

The answer is a place that I like to call Hanjiro (because that's the name of the store). Hanjiro has a combination of new and used clothing -- the new stuff is all really well-designed and made (looks like it could be local, but I have no idea), and the old stuff is not all that old and is divided into cool sections (track jackets, argyle sweaters, vintage baseball-style tees, Doc Martens, Converse). It's basically an indie kid clothes heaven. You also get 10% back of any used clothing you buy to put toward your next purchase on a point card (pronounced "point-o card-o")! AND it's huge and looks all cool (click on "shop" and go to "Fukuoka" [duh]).

But what I really really like about it is that a lot of the clothes are fairly unisex, so there's not really a clear men's or women's section -- everyone's just shopping everywhere and so it's not awkward for me (who doesn't wear really girly things and who wouldn't be able to fit in that stuff anyway) to be looking through the clothes that will fit my freakishly long American limbs and torso the best. It's just nice to shop in a place where I feel like I can take my time, nobody cares that I'm shopping there, and I know I can find things that I like and that fit properly (mostly).

Plus I got my key chain there!

His name is Hans.

And on the subject of shopping, let me just say that while I do miss the Christmassy ambiance from not being back home this time of year, I don't miss the full parking lots and horrible crowds that the season brings. Just sayin'.

azerbaijammin'

2007-11-24T07:43:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of maps on the walls in the school which makes sense. I stare at them a lot.

Occasionally I'm reminded of fourth grade geography where the lot of us got a laminated world map that resembled a placement. Not realizing that what I had in front of me was the world flattened out, I didn't understand why everyone kept rounding theirs into a cylinder -- and while I was all well and good with the countries we had been studying so far, I wanted to know what was on the other side. I kept flipping mine over expecting to see the rest of it, but it was just some map facts or something. Dur.

So anyway, the present maps! I stare and I stare and I kind of miss geography class. I decided I wanted quiz myself and I found this place and now I can't stop taking all the geographictastic quizzes! It's Saturday night and it's what I've been doing for the past two hours.

I wonder what normal people are like.

2007-11-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Sooooo, everyone's aware that my best friend Kate is amazing, right?

Good. Just checking.

gobble gobble

2007-11-22T17:26:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Thanksgiving and I'm in Japan.

That means nobody knows I'm not supposed to be working -- I'm SUPPOSED to be stuffing my face with side dishes (the best part of any meal) and then periodically falling asleep while watching some marathon on TV (used to be X-files, then Buffy, or just the standard Christmas Story) and having a grand old time with my slightly loopy but endearing family while inevitably saying "kryptonite" instead of "tryptophan" scattered between card games or pool or football FUHBALL watching and general good tidings!

I tried to explain it to Japan, but Japan just told me to get back to work.

Here's a list of things I'm thankful for:

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-21T23:05:00.000-08:00

Daaaaannng it was cold last night. It was so cold it made me want to watch Adventures in Babysitting, aka, the coldest-looking-movie-to-be-in ever.

Seriously, what's colder than a young Elisabeth Shue running around with a bunch of C-list kid actors in the dead of Chicago winter? I don't even want to know.

extra, extra

2007-11-20T00:27:00.000-08:00

Today in the I nternational Herald Tribune (big big English-language New York Times-collaborated internationally distributed newspaper long parenthetical explanation) there was an article about Fort Collins! My coworker alerted me and I was excited, until I found out a lot has changed since I left the Fort:

apparently, "Renewal is a way of life" is our official motto, and
they might start drilling for uranium? Jigga what?

Did those of you living in or near the FC know about all this? I feel like I've been, well, not LIED to, but at the very least strategically kept AWAY from vital information about my town. I really don't know what to say. This is world-changing news! I demand to be kept abreast of this sort of vital information pertaining to FoCo! How COULD you? My head is reeling from the lack of abreastedness!

Just kidding. The article was actually a little boring -- I didn't even get through it. And here's a blurry picture of it taken with my phone!

sumo media wrestler heavy

2007-11-19T00:44:00.000-08:00

Today me and my friend Cristina watched sumo wrestling from 8:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. NO SERIOUSLY.

We didn't really mean to be so extreme about it.

Everything we'd read and heard about one of the six Grand Sumo Tournaments held in Japan per year suggested we needed to be aggressive about procuring two of the hundred tickets set aside daily for non-pre-buyers. The tournament started at 8:30. We figured there'd be a line, even though it's Monday, and dang it, we wanted IN -- so I left my house at 6:10 to meet her in Tenjin at 6:45 just to be safe, since we didn't really know where the event center was.

Luckily, we got on a bus and found someone who appeared to be going to the same destination:

And so we followed, or at least tried to:

(I got scared because when we turned the corner there were a whole bunch of them just standing there, out of nowhere, and they're so...UNREAL, and I didn't want to be all gawky!)

They were all standing there because the doors weren't open yet. Yes -- we got there so early not even the competitors were being let in. So we walked to get some coffee but still wanted to get back about half an hour before show time because surely we'd have some competition in line by then. While out we got a good view of some fall foliage ooo:

When we got back we faced said competition:

It was rough. Especially since we weren't exactly sure when we were allowed in (and since, apparently, I'm only capable of doing things where there's a crowd to lead my way):

Anyway, we were let in and soon found there was no reentry, which meant that we were really REALLY in since all the major matches are in the evening and all the minor matches are at 8:30 in the morning when there's NOBODY there and since we were UP and all we just decided to make a big long day of it.

And I had a blast. It was fantastically entertaining, the entire ordeal -- small match, big match, small wrestler, big (and bigger! oh man, SO bigger) wrestler -- entirely great, and the change in the crowd and amount of pre-fight ritual (ask me about it someday) throughout the affair kept it interesting. Them boys is HUGE.

The ring.

Pre-match ring-entering ceremony.

And here's a whole face-up, rituals and all:

We watched so so so so so many, and it was all so super fun happy Japan timey.

oh, you

2007-11-18T00:50:00.000-08:00

It suddenly turned from comfortably brisk fall weather to chillingly cold winter weather today and my turtleneck, jeans, and thick socks weren't cutting it so I decided to call in the heater guns. Kapow!

My heater is remote-controlled and has, along with the other various controls of the japartment, a diagram of functions drawn by a former tenant to aid in usage on a sheet of paper. I unfolded the sheet for the temperature setting remote-control as it was still on air-conditioning, and what should I find behind said sheet but YOU!

I didn't know you were here! Man, you look great. Let me get a closer look at you!

I love what you've done with your face! Seems like you've been doing fine, nothing too exciting or three-dimensional going on.

Anyway, it was good running into you! I should get going, I might be going to a sumo match tomorrow. It was really good to see you. I'll unfold you if I need anything. See you later!

2007-11-17T00:29:00.000-08:00

I live on the eighth floor and my japartment faces southeastish. Sometimes it's a bit windy because the sea is near, but not it's not usually what one would consider "gusty" or "really frickin' blowin' out there." I can't even tell if the wind is blowing from up here, except when there's this tiniest of breezes in a certain direction -- I don't know what that direction is, but I DO know that it hits SOME area in SOME part of my balcony that makes a sound that could only be imagined to be heard in an old Western with a single saloon and a tumbleweed passing by in the first shot. Upon looking outside, the leaves on the trees below are barely rustling, yet the shrill whistling whooshing highly implies otherwise. It sounds like a typhoon wind SHOULD sound like -- but it's not!

Mostly I just use it as an excuse to pretend it IS crazy windy and horrible out so I can stay in on the weekends. Mostly.

know what i love?

2007-11-16T23:16:00.000-08:00

Crackers, of any variety, especially Wheat Thins and Saltines. And puppies! I love them, too. And random Japanese children dressed as old Japanese people!

2007-11-15T11:46:00.000-08:00

The people of my neighborhood have a staring problem.

Yes, I'm a foreigner (egads!) Yes, I'm tall (oh my!) Yes, I'm a female without a child in tow or on my way to the market (heaven help us!)

Some days it's fine. I'll be striding along (because the staring only happens when I'm running -- when I'm in a suit and clearly making a contribution to society I might as well be invisible as evidenced by my never never being able to get where I'm going without being blocked/cut off from/walked in front of at a sloth pace) and the jumpsuited construction workers will go about their business, the men and women walking to work won't bat an eye (but they will look kind of dead inside), the really elderly people just keep moving along (but they will look kind of dead outside).

Then there are times like this morning, though, where everyone -- bicyclers, pedestrians -- even the children and dogs -- will not only look alarmed at my presence, but will turn their heads after I've passed their line of sight to watch where I'm going. I wore sunglasses but was stared at in the eye so many times I'm surprised I didn't turn to stone and then carved into with the words "Beware, Gaijin!" (Gaijin means foreigner which apparently means devil person.)

I want to say something to them like "knock it off!" or "WHAT!?!?" or "a hex on you and yours, J-hag!" but I'm afraid it might kill them to hear me speak.

It makes me feel like I'm either doing something terribly wrong or have got a third leg growing out of my forehead, which, if the latter enabled me to run away faster, I suppose wouldn't be so bad. Wait, what I'm a saying!? See, this is what happens when the Japanese people forget their manners. Let it be a lesson.

2007-11-14T00:20:00.000-08:00

I'm empty. (Not of emotion, but of energy. Oh, work. Curse you!)

I was thinking about wishes and how mine used to be so specific.

When younger I'd rub my eyes in the bath and an eyelash would come loose and I'd place it carefully on the edge of my pointer finger and think for a moment "I wish so-and-so would pass me a note during such-and-such class this Friday" "I wish I would lose 16.7 pounds" "I wish we would move to a small town in Maine near a lighthouse" and blow whoosh off it went.

Now all my wishes are general and sweeping and eyelashless. I wish for war to end. I wish for equality. I wish for the happiness and good health of my friends and family.

Guess the second set is a better bet, but when did I lose my belief in particulars? Hmm.

I wish for a Neapolitan ice cream sandwich as big as my head.

Hey, never mind, I've still got it!

And the Most Pointless Blog of the Day award goes to: (see above).

vlog

2007-11-13T00:59:00.000-08:00

2007-11-12T01:53:00.000-08:00

So far, blob has been the most difficult on-the-spot word I've been asked to define by a student. Seriously! Think about it. The property of a blob is very specific. Tell me how you would define it and I'll tell you what I said -- a blob swap, if you will. By the way, you have a little something on your shirt.

eureka!

2007-11-11T02:51:00.000-08:00

For YEARS I've been searching for the perfect accompaniment to macaroni and cheese.

In theory, good ol' mac 'n cheese should be perfectly fine on its own -- how can you go wrong with pasta that has the ability to depict a smile or frown smothered in artificial, neon-orange cheese?

But there was always something off when eating the most complicated meal I know how to cook. Its consistency was just so dang mushy I felt like I was either eating baby food or was in the position to be able to give my dentures the day off. It needed another flavor, some crunch, some thing to make it a full, substantial meal.

I tried, it felt like, everything.

The standard hot dog slices proved not to add enough difference in texture. Bread crumbs weren't a drastic enough addition. Trying a sprinkle of salt and pepper was insulting to both the dish and my creativity. And the can of corn a friend suggested be added just ruined the whole pot.

For awhile I moved outside the bowl, thinking a side dish could be the missing link. Salad (too healthy), bread (too many carbs), pretzels and Fritos (too stand-alone-snacky to be included as part of a meal) were all utter failures too. I needed to dive back in.

But after so many failures, I finally resigned myself into accepting that every time I ate the so-nearly-ok cheese and macaroni lunch or dinner, my palate would feel just a smidge unsatisfied.

I pondered this today as I heated the water for my midday meal, so suggested by Carl instead of a bagel with hummus (see? never have to wonder what accompanies bagels) since it was cold out.

Waiting for the water to boil, my eyes wandered to the giant carton of baked Goldfish I'd picked up a couple weekends back. I'd scarcely eaten any because they were a little flavorless and didn't really go with any of the dinners I'd been eating recently. But then I wondered, oh, I wondered...after the draining and the cheese-powder-pack emptying and the margarine and the milk mixing...how would a handful of those Goldfish do?

Perfectly, it would seem.

Or, in other words:

The search is over.

whoa

2007-11-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

Work was long and tiring today so when I sat down on the train I immediately plugged into my iPod and prepared for a good twelve minutes of zoning. Too lazy to consciously choose what to listen to, I hit shuffle and the train departed. First my ears went to Clear the Area by Imogen Heap and when it was finished I was a third of the way home. Girl by Danzig was next and I was two thirds there. Zoning, zoning, all the while, and then and then and then.

And then Around the World by Daft Punk came, and my innocent zonified train ride turned into a full-fledged extended daydream of all those around me suddenly jumping up and doing all the choreography in the video, except using the train aisles and seats and conductor's boxes as a stage -- the salarymen, the office ladies, the school kids, the J-boys, and the old people -- all up, their ties and briefcases flying, in perfectly matched movements on on and off beats, dancing, dancing, moving, moving, me sitting and staring at their rotating hips and shoulders, until we pulled into Kashii Station and the song ended. They all sat down, I snapped back into reality, and I took my ear buds out. ...the heck?

2007-11-09T22:20:00.000-08:00

A few mornings ago I burnt my waffles and when I opened the toaster oven door a bit of smoke came out and a lot of burnt waffle smell followed. I tossed the evidence of my failure and began anew.

After successfully toasting and consuming two other waffles, I took a shower.

I'd turned up my water heater level recently because it's getting colder and I like my showers hot -- like searing, pinking skin hot. And so it was.

But I wasn't quite used to how hot my new water level could go, and turned it up a touch too high. As I shuffled around a bit so the water wasn't scalding one particular patch of skin, I smelled a burning smell and thought "oh God I'm COOKING myself!"

But then I realized it was just from the waffles.

save the whales, hold the bikkle

2007-11-08T07:21:00.000-08:00

Good GOD I need to do laundry. I'm practically scaling a mountain of dirty socks (and unmentionables! oh my) just to get to the main room of the japartment (my goal this week was to keep the main room clean, which has thus far meant just chucking any and all things into the hallway.) Here are problems with doing laundry, though:

It requires effort.
Every time I do laundry and hang it up outside, it rains the next day and ruins the laundry, so I'm wasting water which hurts the whales, and I don't want to hurt the whales.
And even if it doesn't rain and I'm not hurting the whales, I still don't take the laundry off the balcony until the next night, and so when I come into the japartment from work, I always think there's someone on my balcony and it freaks me out for a second, and I don't like being freaked out.
And back to that effort thing. Man, the effort. Phew. I mean, geez. Wow. Wowzaaaa. I mean really. It's like CRAZY efforOK FINE I'LL DO MY LAUNDRY.

On an unrelated note, I would like to introduce to you the most unappealingly named beverage of all time:

I present to you: BIKKLE. *shudder* Just say it. Say it out loud. "I could go for a Bikkle right about now." Guh.

To make matters worse, Bikkle is apparently a yogurt drink, gluargggle (that's the sound I think of when I think of Bikkle as a yogurt drink). I haven't tried Bikkle but I'm pretty sure nobody else has either. I fear that if I pay my Y120 and hit that Bikkle button, the world will just implode because it's way too ridiculous that someone would want to drink Bikkle, and if the world implodes then the whales have nowhere to live, and that hurts the whales, too.

Huh. I guess laundry and Bikkle ARE related.

2007-11-07T23:07:00.000-08:00

It's an odd thing, this living abroad.

I have these bouts of homesickness where I'll just stare at the yearlong calendar at work and mentally black out all the time I've been here and look at the white space left and it's too much. I think about all the workdays I have left before then -- all the classes I have to teach, all the days of wearing suits that are still, still there -- and it exhausts me. I'll long for people that know me - really know me - and imagine coming back from a day's work to roommates or family or someone to have a full conversation with. I'll miss everything - going to the post office, the bank, a restaurant - being easy.

But then things always turn around. I'll have good classes and meaningful days of work, weekend plans lined up to look forward to, the meeting and connecting with great people -- people I would never have met if I hadn't come here. And simple things, like my run tonight-- listening to good new music on a four-miler in perfect, perfect fall weather among the uniformed high school students on bicycles weaving through the buildings and businesses -- let me know I'm not done with it. I'll miss the freedom and the adventure, my japartment and my students.

But -- far or soon -- not quite yet.

how many polacks in japan does it take to recognize shoe polish?

2007-11-06T23:46:00.000-08:00

The other day, for a low/intermediate discussion class, I was going through some teaching materials. The purpose of the class was to practice correctly describing what various things are and how they work or how you use them (which actually sounds a little easier than it is, as far as forming full, grammatically correct sentences go). Example:

What's that?
It's a cellphone.
What's it for?
It's for pretending to talk on when you're walking past someone handing out stuff on the street so you don't have to take what they're handing out because your other hand is in your pocket, SUCKERS.

Except more serious. Anyway, there were some pictures of some household items to describe; microwaves, spatulas, placemats. And then there was this:

And here's how it went (phonetically spelled-out for differentiation purposes):

Me: What's this? Poh-lish? I don't get it. What's Poh-lish about this? Is it a poh-lish ashtray? A poh-lish mirror? *shows to coworker*
Coworker: That's shoe pah-lish.
Me: *runs away*

You'd think I'd have more than a quarter of Polack blood in me based on this, wouldn't you?

I've really not been helping to debunk any stereotypes lately.

onsen 'n o.j.

2007-11-05T23:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back from Beppu (where there are eight, not seven, hells MY BAD). In the past three days I, with my friend Cristina (yes, I have friend here - that's right, friend, singular), have:

gotten a screaming good deal on both travel (Y5000 round trip by train!) and accommodations (Y3500 per night - huge bed and bathroom right next to the station!)
made up a song about Beppu (Oh-oh Be-ppu/I just wan-na/walk a-round you)
taken a sand bath which was alright
taken a mud bath which was amazing
soaked in an onsen (hot spring) which took whatever shred of modesty the massage incident in Budapest last year may have left behind
had a long chat with this guy:

stopped being afraid to take Japanese buses
regretted not taking my scarf with me all the time
visited a mountain of monkeys and
found out that while not murdering or burglaring, O.J. Simpson has actually been hawking snacks with his image on them at shops in Beppu:

It was a fantastic weekend with more details and photos to be shared. Later.

where do i live?

2007-11-04T21:13:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I was sitting in my japartment, probably reading or doing something else to expand my mind (HA - I was wasting time on the Internet and it was glorious) and heard a slight ruckus near the front of the train station next to my apartment building. I walked out my front door and peered down off the stairwell that faces said station. This is what I saw:

I didn't know what was going on but I soon retreated back to my japartment/Internet connection where Japanese people weren't yelling and rolling around on a big blue mat. Later on there was an even LARGER ruckus and I let my curiosity of the real world tear me away from the sweet sweet Internety world. Thank goodness:

Sometimes I don't understand my life.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

2007-11-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

-- facts for today:

It's my third blog of National Blog Writing Month in which I'm attempting to blog everyday for the month of November and, as I'm going on a weekend getaway beginning today (hells!), I had to get up early just to write and not fail at my venture the third day in. That would be unacceptable! Inconceivable, even!

I'm in my 30th week and eighth month of living in Japan. Inconceivable...again!

I have to leave in 25 minutes and my hair is still wet and I'm not all the way packed or dressed and I have to take out my trash and go to the bank still. Mmmyeah, that's not inconceivable. Me being on time would be unbelievable.

No more rhyming, and I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?

Oh man, The Princess Bride is so good.

japanese elevator doors can and will chop your hands off

2007-11-02T23:48:00.000-07:00

In an effort to minimize the "oh you know what ELSE happens in Japan!?"'s that will be saturating the beginnings, middles, and ends of my conversations once back in my sweet sweet homeland and annoying the bejesus out of everyone, I will try to address some tiny quirks of this tiny quirk of a country before that time comes. Starting...NOW. Up next: elevatorville, population: YOU. And possibly your dog/jump rope/random appendage.

Japanese elevators are hardcore and the doors are NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT motion sensitive -- it took about nine NOT NOT NOT NOT NOTS going through my mind to remember that terrifying and probably occasionally bloody truth after all those times I was dashing to catch one and almost lost a limb trying to get in.

I witnessed a close call once as a non-Japanese friend of mine swung her purse out in an effort to stop the already-closing-doors from closing but the thing just snapped shut and greedily took it up eight stories. Upon returning to our floor, the once-erect handbag lay sadly crumpled and propped in the corner of the empty lift as if to say "what the CRAP did you do that for? I'll never properly accessorize again!"

See? This is what happens when you don't pay attention to the crazy elevator doors of death:

Please note the inside view of the elevator -- you could lose your DOG or your JUMP ROPE for crying out loud.

The picture is fuzzy because it's difficult to take a picture of something with a cellphone on a moving elevator. But what's funny about that particular warning is that it's on the door of a freight elevator that I use instead of the regular ones in my building to avoid the crowd. The only people that use that elevator are guys delivering tons of boxes with various goods inside and other people that work in the building. There's not been a lady with a dog nor a child with a jump rope anywhere NEAR that elevator, ever. Who jumps rope next to an elevator door anyway? If anything the warning sticker should show cardboard getting crushed or a uniformed cellphone shop girl being split in two.

There's also this weird elevator etiquette that happens on account of the doomsday doorage. As in other elevators, there are open and shut buttons to the right of the doors above the floor number buttons. If you get on the elevator and happen to be nearest said buttons, you are the automatic controller of the doors -- it's your job to make sure no one else needs to get on the elevator because, as you know, once them things is closing, man, that's it; plus they'll just stay open far too long if only a few people need to board. Likewise, when the riders are getting off the elevator, it's your job to be pressing the open button until all have departed, and those leaving give a little nod in your direction for your work.

Usually the system works fine -- unless, of course, I'm running late and desperately need to catch the elevator -- then the door controller is almost always going to be a J-hag (big hideous floppy hat, hunched over, evil, inexplicably oblivious to elevator door etiquette) -- then I have to choose between being late or having no right hand. Usually I'm just late. Usually.

Anyway, I'm going to a place called Beppu tomorrow. Apparently there are seven hells there! More on that later.

i went as a bitter old hag

2007-11-01T00:22:00.000-07:00

You know, there's always danger in revisiting anything you used to watch as a kid in that it's likely you'll realize what you watched as a kid was stupid (my God don't even get me started on what happened when I watched Babes in Toyland for the first time in seven years. You'd think Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves wandering around in Cincinnati/Christmasland would be movietastic, but NO. I was shocked and wanted to travel back in time to slap myself for watching it over and over every Christmas.)

Anyway, that's what happened with It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, which is OBVIOUSLY supposed to be a CLASSIC. I put it on to have something to watch whilst folding my freshly laundered socks (ooo!) and good God is that thing LOUD. Like really, really, unnecessarily full of shrill voices and extraneous sound effects.

The Peanuts gang's running all over the place shouting TRICK OR TREAT!!!!! every five seconds and Snoopy's riding around in that plane and it's all BBBBBBBBBBBBBBVVVVVBBBB!!!!!! (or whatever the sound of an annoying cartoon plane looks like it sounds like) for hours and Sally's yelling at Linus for making her sit in the pumpkin patch all night and just, just, just SHUT IT! I'M TRYING TO MATCH MY VARIOUS PAIRS OF WHITE YET SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT LOOKING SOCKS AND I CAN'T DO IT WITH ALL THE NOISE! I kept cringing and making my volume go down lower and lower until it wasn't even worth having on anymore. Classics should have standards, not characters talking and doing stuff at a noise level comparable to feedback. And once again, I'm shocked at the poor taste of my younger self. Slappy slappy slap slap.

And I never really did get the whole Great Pumpkin thing. Was I supposed to learn I should believe in something that clearly doesn't exist so people can yell at me and not get free candy? I'm not falling for THAT again!

Welp, my costume's done. Suck it, childhood.

Edit I: HAHA who am I kidding? You know I'll get excited to watch it next year. And Babes in Toyland time is just a mere two months away. I can't wait!

Edit II: Oh my gosh I just watched this preview for Babes in Toyland and now I want to watch it more than ever.

uh oh

2007-10-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

Well, it's happened. I've finally started to get obsessed with Japanese bands. Crap.

I held out for as long as I could because I didn't want to be the loser to goes to Japan and gets all ga-ga over anything Japanese and spends all her free time trolling the 'nets and record stores looking for more stuff to get infatuated over. Dang it. If I lived in America, this wouldn't be happening. Damn yous, Japan! Damn yous!

Well, here's my #1 love for the moment, a group called Boøwy:

i bless the rains down in africa

2007-10-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

My freshman year college roommate came to Fukuoka and stayed with me for two and half weeks. That she had just gotten back stateside (yes, I'm cool enough to use that term) in July from two years of Peace Corpsing in The Gambia could only mean one thing: I had Toto's "Africa" in my head the entire duration of her visit.

Seriously, seconds 1:11 - 1:33, looped, in my head, the whole time. It was amazing.

2007-09-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I'd been going through a "down with Japan, I want to go home" phase for a couple weeks but I've snapped out of it and am back in a "I love Japan, my job is awesome" state. What does still suck is that I didn't get to see my little sister graduate from college last Friday. I'm upset at not having been there, however, pictures I've seen from the event suggest that I may not have even recognized her anyway -- whomever was in those photos was far too adulty and womanish to have been my little sister. Finally, though, it seems we may both be at the same maturity level.

(Congratulations Lil Sar-Sar! I'm proud of you!)

2007-09-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

My, what a splendid day! Good show, gov'na! Hear, hear! Capital, capital! And whatnot.

Woke up at a semi-reasonable hour and was delighted to see an illustrious rainy Sunday was on northeast Fukuoka's weather agenda. Goody! Rainy Sundays are one of those instant mood-uppers - like puppies. Or hugs. Or hugging puppies! Daw.

Talked to the pops (aka birthday man) and then Carl. Did some good milling about as well as some slight dilly-dalling around before deciding to take a trek from Hakata to Canal City -- a ginormous shopping center/theater building/architectural oddity -- to find a yoga mat. (Been doing a lot of yoga/Pilates-ing lately and needed a more stable surface to balance on than my futon and a more comfortable place to stretch on than my incredibly ouchy hardwood floor.) Please enjoy Canal City's homepage and note the header -- apparently I went to the ONLY place that is new and interesting in Fukuoka. Guess that means it's all downhill from here.

I navigated to the monstrosity well enough but actually finding the mat was a bit of a needle-in-a-haystack experience. Seriously, the place is huge. More good news though is that since I hate being "THAT guy" (in girl form) who keeps taking out a map and scrutinizing every street choice, my employing the "walk 'til I get where I'm going at some point" approach both there and back garnered the discovery of some absolutely charming places around Hakata that I had no knowledge of before. (Although I do realize I run the risk of thinking that merely because everything is pretty damn charming on a rainy Sunday. Also if you're thinking the alternative to being "THAT guy" in girl form probably closely resembles just being pretty lost and wandering, you're probably right.) Also passed two shrines and a temple thanks to the non-map route which will definitley need more exploration when I'm not carrying a giant, crinkly-noise-making bag with a kind of heavy thing in it, a purse, and an open, soaking umbrella.) Photographs shall be taken in the future if I can manage to take a similar path -- I quite intend to try. Charming, I tell you!

Anyway, then home for a nap. I wasn't particularly tired -- but it WAS a rainy Sunday and would have been practically sacrilegious not to embark on a sleepy-time endeavor, all cozy and such. Upon waking from crazy nap dreams that I can only WISH would have been about hugging puppies (although Crispin Glover did make an appearance) I made dinner and bought some new music with my fancypantsy gift card (thanks, babe!) Now will listen to said music and drink tea: rainy Sundays's's's's official beverage.

2007-08-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

I made it rain by doing my laundry and hanging it outside to dry. All this time I could have been saving energy and money by putting my wet clothes on the balcony at night and waking up to them still wet due to the cloudy-skyed morning downpour! Awesome!

Actually I didn't really care because the rain meant it cooled down.

But then I guess I did actually care because then I couldn't complain about how hot I was and had to find something else to complain about. That something was not knowing what to eat for lunch.

And you thought Japan would turn commonplace. Puh.

booya

2007-08-23T06:28:00.000-07:00

Pre-Hawaii Flight-Related Events
Lauren's students look like this when she informs them she is afraid of flying, particularly the several who work for various Asia-based airlines. Fear remains.

Midst-Hawaii Flight-Related Events
All flights (China Airlines Fukuoka to Taipei, Taipei to Honolulu, reverse and repeat) are successful and not death-inducing at all. Lauren even thinks some American pilots could take a couple of tips from Chinese pilots on smooth take-offs and landings. Fear subsides a bit.

Post-Hawaii Flight-Related Events
Lauren reads news about a China Airlines Taipei-departed, Japan-bound airplane and is torn between being horrified about the circumstance or delighted to be able to be all HA HA IN YOUR FACE, STUDENTS, NOW WHO'S THE COMPLETELY RATIONAL ONE!? Fear resumes, ten-fold. Students now look like this.

2007-08-18T02:31:00.000-07:00

I am extremely lazy today so there shan't be a super awesome back-from-Hawaii update. My bad. May I offer you some pictures instead? Way cool!

Gather 'round, my children, and I'll tell ye a tale. (Or three.)

2007-08-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

Tale One
The Big-Ass Cockroach vs. Lauren

I've never actually seen a real cockroach save for those safely encased in a bug box at Denver's Butterfly Pavillion. This probably explains why my glasses-free eyeballs didn't immediately recognize the big black being attached to my wall as one of the free-range variety. The moment inside my head went as such:

Doo doo doo I'm just minding my own sweet business...nothing special going on, no SireeBob Lauren's brain tra la la ho hum...hey...HEY...what the...HEY HEY HEY wassat? Wassat WASSAT!?? Is that...no, no it can't...my GOD and FOR THE LOVE OF MOSES. Ew ew ew EW EW EW EW EW EW I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WALLS WITH FIST-SIZED BUGS ATTACHED TO THEM WALJDFKJDSLFKJLKDJFLKSDLFKJL JESUS HELP ME.

Also included were roughly four to five air-depleting gasps, a lot of peering of the disbelieving persuasion, and several "ew there's a ginormous bug in my apartment and I don't know what to do" dances. And after warding off a couple major panic attacks, then came the Plans.

Plan A consisted of burning down the Japartment but I ran out of matches.

Plan B was to fly my Dad out to take care of the bastard but I had to scratch that because I didn't want to pay for the taxi ride back from the airport since the trains close at midnight and cab fares are ridiculous.

[Plans C through Q edited out for graphic language and action.]

Plan R is the one that finally took.

It included attaching a long piece of packing tape over an empty cardboard jewelry box leftover from the birthday-present-getting-extravaganza of yesterweek to trap the roach's unwelcome behind in and to be taped to the wall (the box, not his behind). Round 1 didn't fare so well as the force with which I slammed the box on the wall made the sides ricochet off and ALSO effectively dislodged his hold on the wall causing him to drop, bounce off my chest, and continue, unharmed, to the ground. It also effectively caused the most banshee-inspired howl I've ever let out accompanied by another icky bug dance. Really, I had no idea I could scream that loud. I wondered why my neighbors didn't immediately start knocking on my door inquiring about my status of aliveness when I realized they were likely dead due to their blood curdling and all.

Plan R.2 proved a failure in the form of a brief, wince-filled standoff with him behind the curtain and me waiting for him to show his buggy self. It ended with me finally shaking the curtain and icky bug dancing some more. At least I got some good cardio in.

Thankfully, Plan R.3 proved successful as I gently (lesson of too much force learned) rested the cardboard dungeon over the roach's head and then dropped nearly 800 pages of weighted protection over it thanks to my newly finished-copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Chalk it up to yet another evildoer finished off by Potter 'n friends. The roach is no more.

Tale Two
Marked Territory

Coming across other Western-world foreigners isn't an anomaly here. I work next to a large train station and bus terminal and am often in the downtown area where the cool hip foreign-people-attracting happenings happen. I pass one or two taller, fatter, lighter-haired people per day, giving a polite nod or purse-lipped smile not intended to communicate anything other than "you're probably just as confused as I am, ol' Chap, too bad, eh? Watch out for seizure-inducing robots."

Last night, however, I spotted a foreigner in a spot where I've never encountered another of my ilk -- at the grocery store one station away from mine. It was surprising as 1) I've really never EVER seen another foreigner there and I frequent the place twice a week, 2) the area around the station is developing and akin to boonie-ville, and 3) he was wearing a large traveling backpack, suggesting a brief stay and not a permanent residence, so why the heck would he have been here?

Once I recognized the intrusion I sort of balked in front of the store's sliding doors, not knowing whether to perform my usual "yes-we-both-recognize-we're-outsiders-isn't-that-hilarious-hee-hee jovial times" facial expression or to grab the nearest pitchfork and run after him shouting "get off my property!"

Honestly it really, really weirded me out. Throughout my shopping I kept seeing his head bobbing as he walked quickly up and down the aisles, clearly with no set path and obviously retracing steps already taken, searching for familiar brands no doubt, probably being startled at the minuscule jelly jar sizes and their equally humongous prices. I thought of offering help. "The shredded cheese is over here!" I could have yelled. "It took me seven trips to recognize the packaging! And here's the best ramen brand. Stay away from that one with the goblin-looking thing on the front - it tastes like rotting pencils!"

But I didn't. Instead I got more and more defensive at his infiltration of my precious marketplace, getting all shifty-eyed and perturbed, thinking I'm the one supposed to be squeezing by the always-in-the-way elderly locals and making the check-out clerks nervous -- how dare he just barge in here like that and rifle through my marked territory! I didn't pee amongst the lemons and lotus roots for nothing you know. Next time, I'm out for blood.

Tale Three
Heh

The other night I was on my way home and on the train spotted a girl playing a sea-foam green Nintendo DS that perfectly matched the shirt she was wearing and I didn't know if it was kinda cute or totally totally lame. After staring some more and going back and forth for a bit on the decision (admittedly 14-minute-train-ride-thoughts aren't on the most weighty of topics) I was leaning greatly toward totally totally lame until I looked down at my red iPod that matched my red nails...and...red undershirt and...red purse.

Final decision: coordinating (purposefully or not) technology with one's outfit is super super uberifically awesome and not lame at all.

(But boy was my face...also red. Dang.)

2007-07-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

Hello my name is Lauren. You may remember me being born in such decades as the 80's.

I thought I would be all freaked out about turning 24 and all but then I received some totally bitchin' packages. Unfortunately the sweaty mail guy delivered them on Saturday -- a full two days before my birthday -- and they were staring me in the face all the live long weekend. Heavens!

I held out long enough to make some tea on Sunday and take my time unpacking the contents in preparation for midnight.

See here's me being trying to be noble about it -- still at the callow age of 23 -- so naive, so unruly! Lord how much I've wised up since 32 hours ago!

Loot, loot, glorious loot!

What an awesome birthday! You may think it might have been lonely sitting there and opening my presents without a friend or family member in sight -- but really I was surrounded by all the care and love from all the people I care about and love. (Plus I started talking to whatever newly-acquired lovely gift I'd just opened as if it were the person or persons who gave it to me -- even made the cards talk by making them flap open and close just like a mouth HAHAHA 24-YEAR OLD LAUREN IN JAPAN IS CRRRAAAZZZYYYY!!!!!) Observe:

Thanks, card!

(But really. Thank you to everyone for making my birthday just as special as it would have been were I back home. I love you all so much and it just proves once again how unbelievably lucky I am. 24! Holy crap!)

a weekend of hyperlinks

2007-07-16T06:33:00.000-07:00

If I had to choose three things to sum up this weekend they would be:

a typhoon
butts
more butts

The main destructo path of Typhoon Man-yi wasn't too close to Fukuoka but that didn't stop the clouds from going all Neverending Storyish (see seconds 23 - 30 for reference). It also didn't stop me from sitting on my floor all day and watching the outside expecting it to get worse and fantasizing about rationing my food (Pop Tarts would be eaten first; tasteless Japanese oats I accidentally bought instead of rice would be last). It went like this:

That evening I put my camera and wallet into plastic baggies and left my bunker to meet some other teachers in Tenjin and make a night of it waiting for the final phase of the Yamakasa Festival beginning at 4:59 a.m. (Seriously click that link and read about it because I'm too lazy to type an explanation.)

It was nice to be out with a purpose, not trying to make the last train home, not dreading having to wait until 5:50 for the first train or pay 3500 yen for a taxi home after you've (I've) missed the last train. The place we were in had a blackout for a while, but we happened to have candles, and so the intense game of Jenga being played continued while the rest of the patrons stared at us playing new Fire-Jenga. Or at least it seemed like they were probably staring. I don't really know because they were in complete darkness.

We then moved on to an izakaya with good music and fish flakes aplenty and finally joined the other throngs of people around the area of Kushida Shrine for the race. Here's the only picture I was brave enough to take of an official Yamakasa team uniform:

Oh my. As there are hundreds of men on each of the seven teams, things got a little...cheeky.

I was cracking up.

And after piddling all day long the minute before the race began sheets of ran started pouring but things didn't get behind.

Ok, I'm done now. Anyway, here's a little video of the second team's start:

After the shenanigans dissipated I went to breakfast with Shinji, a teacher from my school, and we had a good long it's-insanely-early-in-the-morning-and-we've-been-up-all-night-talk. Then I went home and got my soaking but completely covered posterior to bed. It was a kick-ass time -- no butts about it.

No, really, I'm done now.

2007-07-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

Fourteenth week! Fourteenth week! I've been in Japan long enough to proclaim "fourteenth week!" in regards to my residency and have it be true! But really, who's counting? I am! I am! Fourteenth week! I'm not counting down but rather merely counting.

In the months leading up to my departure when I was obsessively obsessing over my future Japan life I always imagined this time -- fourteenth weekish, three monthish time -- being the point where I would be completely fine -- I just had to make it until now and the rest would be gangbusters. I don't know that I've really been so completely not fine as to be waiting for this moment -- but I am in a very comfortable place.

This week went down quick and strong like a - uh - simile I can't think of. Monday I joined Cristina and Shaun for our follow-up training session at Kyushu Honbu (headquarters). It was painless enough (except for my manic rush to get there in the morning as the heavy rain made my train five minutes late causing me to miss my subway connection to Tenjin [downtown], boo) and afterwards I headed back to Hakata to teach my two night classes.

Tuesday I got up super early to correspond with a travel agency to look at my options for the upcoming O-bon holiday since my brain chose this week to start going batty over making set plans. O-bon "celebrates the spirits of the dead, who are believed to return to their homes at this time" (Takada and Lampkin 45). Since I didn't want to feel overcrowded by all the extra Japanese ancient spirits wandering the streets (and the 200% mark-up of flight and lodging prices, not, presumably, because of the dead people), I decided to make plans outside of Japan and was looking seriously into Korea, China, and Australia, half-seriously looking into Thailand, Nepal, and Indonesia, and not-seriously-but-just-checking-for-curiosity's-sake looking into eastern Russia and holy run-on sentence, Batman! The problem with the above places is the Lauren-traveling-alone factor and the traveling-is-exhausting factor. I only get August 9th to the 15th off, and as much I as I enjoy my alone time and exploring, I have plans to be in the throes of both in the next six months or so to take advantage of my three-day weekends with various trippage to Tokyo and Kyoto and such. I started looking at flying to Paris to visit Kate or flying home to visit - everyone - but the expense was killer. Anyway where I'm going with all of this is I'm meeting Carl in Hawaii because I don't want to do much and I want to read English and I don't want to be around short people. Also, because, I like, miss the boyf.

So plans were set and I got up early again on Wednesday to go downtown to make my final reservations and pay for the ticket and whatnot. After I got off the subway and was walking to my giant building destination I thought -- what the heck is this life? I'm walking downtown in a city of five million people heading to a Japanese travel agency to pay for an airline ticket I negotiated myself with money from my salary - I earn a salary - and I'm wearing a suit and and and --- what? It's all very adulty. But the weirdest part is it's also completely handleable. It's only odd when I really think about it. Anyway.

Thursday up early again as it is my busiest day and the day where my trainer is coming to observe all of my classes. Boo. Actually things went really well -- I got great feedback and the classes went (for the most part) nicely. But that doesn't mean I wasn't up all night and morning fretting about it beforehand!

And then today. I get to breathe today.

However, because of this busy week, my Japartment is the most cluttery Japartment in all of Japartment land. Ah well.

But yes, things are fine. Great, really. Fourteenth week, fourteenth week, fourteenth week, and all is well.

adventures in japartment land

2007-06-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

I planned to spend part of the weekend hunting down and eradicating the lone mosquito that has been hiding somewhere in my apartment and taking up shop on my body after I've fallen asleep every night this week. Each morning I've awoken to a few new minuscule but itchy-as-crap flesh wounds which don't mesh well my morning toast feeding (chew scratch chew scratch chew) and dang does that make me cranky.

However, he's not to be found. Occasionally I see him flash before me and I rise and dart my head around and swing my arms and try to create some sort of crazy tornado of Lauren that he can't land on and must buzz away from -- preferably in my view. But he's nowhere.

Anyway oh hey look at that I'm still typing in italics. Anyway it's been somewhat dark and definitely overcast recently which makes me feel like I should be bundled up and reading somewhere with a bone-warming beverage. It's still hot and muggy though -- so hot and muggy that even when there's a strong breeze the air is too thick to come through the balcony screen and refresh the apartment and that makes my bones feel all melty. I've taken to shutting the glass door and running the air conditioning full on and standing with a cup of tea looking out and pretending it's as cool outside as the fake air within. It appears I'm in for a long summer.

2007-06-14T09:11:00.000-07:00

I've been drinking a lot of Grape Fanta and rainy season started yesterday. I'd say the two aren't really connected but in Japan one can never be too sure.

2007-06-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

Here's who's standing in front of the array of hot pre-made dinners at a local shop nightly:

ten or so salarymen without wives to cook for them
me

2007-06-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

Nagasaki Nagasaki oi oi oi! <--- click here for picturey goodness

2007-06-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

Reasons I may be turning Japanese:

1. I almost fell asleep on my train ride home today. I was standing up. The train ride is approximately 13 minutes long. (Japanese people have an affinity for falling dead asleep in places that aren't work and are most usually the train. They can be standing or sitting and it doesn't matter how long or short the train ride is. They will also magically awake when it is their stop.)

2. Last night I made a bowl of noodly soup and opened my silverware drawer and took out chopsticks and sat down and started imbibing and right before I finished realized that though there are forks and spoons aplenty in said silverware drawer I naturally reached for and used the chopstickage. Wha?!

Reasons I may not be turning Japanese:

1. I would kill someone and drink their blood for a Big City Burrito.

---

Yes I know it's supposed to be "his or her" blood but it really doesn't have the same threatening ring to it.

---

Japan life is good but everybody walks slowly. One Japanese person walking in front of you is dealable and walk-aroundable most of the time. But get two, three, even -- BAH! -- four of them in a group and you're going to be late for wherever you're going it doesn't matter how much time you have or if where you're going is four feet away. That or your head will explode. I mean my head. My head will explode.

Also the modesty issue is a smidge excessive. FOR EXAMPLE -- the doing-your-business experience in my building goes as such:

you will enter a stall with a door top that goes to the ceiling and about two inches off the floor
the remaining two inches are covered by slab of rubber meaning there is no way to check if someone is in the stall --
-- which is fine since the doors are magnetized to stay open when unoccupied
also the locks are strong enough to keep even the most rabid of wolves out (should they choose to chase you into the bathroom, in which case, lucky you with these super shut stalls!)
after entering and locking, there will be a soothing woman's Japanese voice saying something
there will be a ding
the sound of running water will begin (reminds me of those alarm clocks with "ocean noises" or something -- except it sounds like a constantly flushing toilet) so that nobody will hear you do your thing
when stuff is done you wave your hand in front of the motion detector ending the flushing noise and actually flushing the toilet
you then have the option, depending on the nature of your time in the bathroom, to press a button that will spritz a pleasant odor into your stall
end scene

At first I sort of liked the idea but now I find the whole thing ridiculous. We're all human here (except for me, of course, being a giant with light eyes and all). God forbid we (they) hear each other pee.

-- I do enjoy the heated seats though.

There are three normal elevators in the building where my school is housed and we're on the ninth floor. The elevators are not smart elevators, so sometimes I take the industrial freight elevator on the other side of the building just to avoid waiting ten years. Usually in the freight elevator there is some sort of soothing Japanesey orchestral music playing but as soon as I walked in and the doors closed the other day I heard three chords and then "JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG -- HE WAS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE" etc. etc. For some reason it really surprised and amused me. Even more surprising and amusing was the restaurant worker who got in on the fifth floor and started singing along under his breath. I nearly died of holding-in-laughter-for-four-floors syndrome.

2007-06-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

And it's days like today that make me annoyed with living in Japan. Damn you, language barrier!

2007-06-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

It is days like today that make me love living in Japan.

2007-05-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

Last week I got a package.

I unpacked it with gusto. The contents never seemed to end! I got food and pajamas and comfy things for my futon and reading materials and all sorts of wonderful things.

I filled my cupboard with lovely American food (bottom shelf) as opposed to stupid Japanese food (other lame shelves).

Yay, things!!!

So to Mom, Dad, Sar-Sar, Mister, Nada, Christina, Grandma, Aunt Pie, and Aunt Kiki:

I will be enjoying your gifts and thinking of you (especially during the sad, sad time my last Pop-Tart will be getting eaten in between sobs). Love yous guys!

2007-05-27T05:58:00.001-07:00

I went to Nagasaki this weekend! I'm way too tired to write about it!

2007-05-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

I had my second Japanese lesson this week and while the lessons are based heavily in "usable" conversation I am still required to study some elements of grammar. The small portion I've studied thus far continues to be a conundrum wrapped in an enigma and shrouded in mystery. I keep expecting a Buddhist monk to show up at my apartment to send me on a three-part quest so that I may finally gain true enlightenment of negative sentence structure.

I can write my name in katakana though. Anyone? Anyone? No? Alright.

Anyway, on Thursday I will have been here for eight weeks. Zoinks! As such, I decided it was time to get more familiar with Kashii, the area I live in -- I know my immediate surroundings well enough like where the post office is and the hospital and all that. But what if, say, I needed to know where the intricately baked and decorated super expensive cake shop is? Well, now I know (through downtown, over the canal and on the left). Neighborhood exploring super picture fun time:

I also wanted to test out walking to the grocery store housed one station over in Chihaya which didn't seem terribly far away by train but whoever knows. Not I said the fly. It did turn out to be quite close and seems to be a potentially great running route -- the path I took to get there is in a developing area with mostly brand new apartment complexes and very few businesses -- lots of flat, wide sidewalks and very little people traffic. Joy!

Also I went to the 100 yen shop and bought this memo pad:

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, LET'S WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE IT FORGETS!

Miss you all.

2007-05-13T05:36:00.000-07:00

1. I lost the key to my bicycle which is impossible. And all the fantasies of riding around Kashii on a hot summer's eve or twelve have disappeared along with it.

2. I found a chair that I want as I am more than finished with sitting on the floor but the chair is three train stops a transfer and three subway stops away and having it delivered would more than double the cost. PUH-HUH.

3. I always had thoughts of hanging freshly laundered and sweet smelling linens and trousers and such in the afternoon sun and whistling while I worked and sipping on lemonade while the fabrics dried. Really though it's a pain in the rump as I have no patience and my Japanese laundry soap isn't scented and real lemonade doesn't exist here and everything is wrinkled beyond belief after taking years to dry and if there's one thing I hate it's ironing stiff lint-laden button-down shirts. My only condolence is that I'll be able to tell my children and grandchildren "in my day, people in Japan didn't have robots to do their laundry like they do now." (And they'd better, because if not this work will have been all for nothing.)

4. I've been thinking a lot lately about all my kiddos from student teaching. This time last year started bringing about the changes and it still makes me cry and long for what was.

5. Yesterday I went back to Dazaifu to re-explore.

View while dining on udon tempura.

Japanese garden in Komyozenji (a buddhist) Temple.

Me inside the temple. And to the right a man who found true tranquility and is further proof that Japanese can sleep anywhere.

2007-05-12T05:49:00.000-07:00

I have very little food.
I have a bicycle with a basket.
I haven't properly exercised in days et days.
I might know how to get to the grocery store that is one train-stop away not by train.

Hopefully the melange above will coordinate into some sort of aliment acquiring action adventure.

If not, I can only blame the bicycle for not having a big red horn, handlebar streamers, nor a baseball card or two in the wheel spokes. I mean really, this is Japan. The baseball card thing should be more than standard.

japartment

2007-05-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

I was going to write that I need to get a haircut and buy a curling iron because my recent lack of coification had made me feel blegh but I ended up giving myself bangs so I'm fine now. HERE, SELF. I PRESENT TO THEE...BANGS!

And now for some photos of my Japartment.

First you come in and take your shoes off, you filthy animal.

Then you enter the hallway.

In said hallway you can find the bathroom...

...which is NOT to be confused with the washroom.

The washroom is for washing clothes in the need-for-hamper-eliminating washing machine...

...as well as for washing Laurens.

After washing whatever needs to be washed, take a look around!

Just don't touch anything.

The big folded thing on the bottom shelf of the closet is what I take out to sleep on every night. It is quite comfortable.

It is probably both bigger and smaller than you think. It suits me I think.

2007-04-30T23:34:00.001-07:00

It's Golden Week!

I'm still not exactly clear as to what that means. I'm pretty sure it's a week off for a slew of public holidays that happen to fall in succession celebrating either nature or people like citizens and boys. The important thing is that I have a week off despite not being a tree or a citizen or a boy.

During the holiday I've accomplished many things so far such as:
-sleeping in
-repeatedly cluttering up my apartment
-tidying up my apartment subsequent to aforementioned cluttering of
-ending my sentences with prepositions
-standing on my balcony and holding my hand out to check if it's raining

The last point is necessary because I can't ever tell. It's normally overcast so that's no indicator. I'm not on the top floor so I have no roof with which to hear raindrops and similarly don't live near the ground so I can't hear there either. My balcony is covered so it's dry and it rains on and off a lot so I probably just shouldn't care but I like to be in the know about these things. It's times like these I wish I had an old battle wound on my forehead that acted up whenever a storm was a-brewin'.

On Saturday I got a cell phone. Shamefully I did NOT follow through on my repeated proclamations of getting the most obnoxious one I could find, glo-colored, dripping with charms, with an insufferable j-pop influenced ring tone. Instead it is sleek and black but I WILL get at least one charm. And I'll make it annoying. Happy? Damn right.

Sunday was spent with very good people and a melange of activities. First an international festival near the bluebells at Uminonakamichi Seaside Park (which means nothing, I just think the name is impressive). Then learned card games (including one with tricks and trumps -- family members, I think I might once again be ready to try to learn pinochle if my previous failures have been forgiven yet). Then to bowling where they were playing the entire NIN video catalog which isn't exactly hooray happy fun bowling time imagery but I liked anyway. The evening ended with my first jaunt into karaoke which is fun and addicting Japanese-style compared to annoying and anxiety-inducing American-style.

Also a drunk Japanese (natch) guy bought us all a bar snack that looked like sea slugs and while I've been very open to trying various foods (intestine soup included) this was just a little too much for the moment so I named the one that I didn't hide in my napkin Harold and thanked him (the guy, not Harold -- if anything, Harold should have been thanking me.)

Yesterday was more low-key. I lounged and read, journaled and didn't do my dishes. The most notable thing I did was go grocery shopping at last. (Why, why do I hate it SO MUCH?) Things to note:
-jelly of any variety costs about 450 (over four dollars) yen for a tiny tiny (like gourmet-sized) jar
-bread is sold in slices of five and it's so thick and glutenous and doesn't agree with my insides -- I found wheat bread that seemed thinner finally but it is three slices for 105 yen (about a dollar)
-apples, while about twice the size of ours, are sold in ones or threes at over 200 yen a piece
-actually all produce is crazy expensive.

I'm not really complaining, I'm sure everywhere has price differences and the produce is likely seasonal, etc. etc. Just logging some differences.

Wait I changed my mind. I AM complaining about the jelly thing. I love jelly. CHEAP, CHEAP, AMERICAN JELLY, THAT IS. God bless FMV. My country 'tis of thee...

2007-04-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

Bowling.

Bowling.

Bowling.

Harold.

2007-04-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

Today I got lost.

Well not like hopelessly baffled get mauled in a smoky back alley sort of lost. I just went a station too far on my train and had to find my way back which sounds easy but isn't when one can't remember the kanji for one's station now is't? Nay, t'isn't.

I was supposed to spend time going over my first lesson for the day during the time I was lost, so it was a little rough. The remaining three went really well though.

Hmmm the crazy pigeon man that lives next to me is talking loudly on his balcony. Probably a pigeon meeting of some sort.

OH! And the best part of the day is that I found out that I'm scheduled to give Chu private lessons! Today he was in a group lesson and he had written out a little note to give me condolences on the Virginia Tech. massacre. His lessons will be the highlight of my weeks to come.

2007-04-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

Attempting to write about all that’s happened thus far seems too overwhelming to undertake so I’ll focus on a few small things.

I’m constantly in a state of amusement (though perhaps just because I’m easily amused). The observances of Japanese popular culture cultivates this, yes, as does my Australian co-trainee Shaun who, upon hearing of my fuzzy-teeth feeling after I drank my coffee, replied “just like the inside of a motorist’s glove.”

Training is going well enough, though a bit on the slow side. Less than a week and all shall be well. Tomorrow we teach our first observed lesson with Japanese students (real live ones!)

Today our trainer Gerry did a model lesson with two students, one including one of my own future students from Hakata school, Chu. Chu can also be referred to as the most adorable man on the face of the planet, yodaesque and 79 years old. I think I love him already, if for nothing more than the spirit of him coming out in rays and knocking me down with the feeling of not wanting to waste a moment of my life. He, in under ten seconds, solidified the rightness of my time here with his presence. It seems he could live a thousand more years and not squander any of it with fallow thought or action.

I talked to Mum today too on the phone and it was wonderful. I feel bad for not having called earlier.

I love everything right now, though I miss everyone heaps.

2007-04-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

I have arrived in Fukuoka! !! !!!!!!!!! !!!

It is 8:53 p.m. here and 5:53 a.m. at home.

And I don’t know where to begin.

Everything has been dazelike and dreamyish.

The ride to DIA was the quickest anyone has gotten to any airport ever. The last view I had of my parents was them crouched under the escalator banging on the glass and making funny faces at me and I love them. I was distracted on the flight to San Francisco by a go-getter type of a gal that reminded me greatly of my grandma and I was happy to let her talk my ear off. Connected smoother than smoothly.

The flight to Nagoya was…something. I got emotional at times. But that subsided temporarily as I witnessed an evangelical cornerning. This lady actually followed a teen (with his malleable little mind) back to his seat (presumably after meeting him in the bathroom line question mark?) whilst talking about Jay-sus and then said a prayer for him at his seat so that everyone around could hear and then RETURNED later to give him a Christ book but he was sleeping. Cuckoo crazy woman. And the 7up can that I got was in Spanish and featured that really old “cool” guy logo from the 90’s. I only zonked out for about 20 minutes the whole time.

ANYWAY as soon as I got off the plane in Nagoya I knew things were going to be fine. I’m not sure why. I would have expected myself to be freaking. Absolutely no hint of panic attacks, minor or major, whatsoever, which is most surprising and delightful. Actually, maybe I do know why.

Maybe it’s because the Japanese were like HEY Lauren we’re the Japanese airport workers and we’re the most helpful and non-intimidating and pleasant people ever and we wear cute neck bows and help you pick up your suitcase because it’s off balance and falls all the time and welcome welcome everything is clean here and the bathrooms are cool and we have Pokemon on our planes and and and…I was like THANKS, JAPAN!

A smooth connection to Fukuoka. (I can’t believe I’m here and figured everything out by my lonesome and everything was perfectly fine and now I don’t have to fly again for at least several long months even though I was barely anxious on the plane at all!) Luggage made it here.

Everything reeks of humble perfection and efficiency.