adventures in japartment land

I planned to spend part of the weekend hunting down and eradicating the lone mosquito that has been hiding somewhere in my apartment and taking up shop on my body after I've fallen asleep every night this week. Each morning I've awoken to a few new minuscule but itchy-as-crap flesh wounds which don't mesh well my morning toast feeding (chew scratch chew scratch chew) and dang does that make me cranky.

However, he's not to be found. Occasionally I see him flash before me and I rise and dart my head around and swing my arms and try to create some sort of crazy tornado of Lauren that he can't land on and must buzz away from -- preferably in my view. But he's nowhere.

Anyway oh hey look at that I'm still typing in italics. Anyway it's been somewhat dark and definitely overcast recently which makes me feel like I should be bundled up and reading somewhere with a bone-warming beverage. It's still hot and muggy though -- so hot and muggy that even when there's a strong breeze the air is too thick to come through the balcony screen and refresh the apartment and that makes my bones feel all melty. I've taken to shutting the glass door and running the air conditioning full on and standing with a cup of tea looking out and pretending it's as cool outside as the fake air within. It appears I'm in for a long summer.

I've been drinking a lot of Grape Fanta and rainy season started yesterday. I'd say the two aren't really connected but in Japan one can never be too sure.

Here's who's standing in front of the array of hot pre-made dinners at a local shop nightly:

• ten or so salarymen without wives to cook for them
• me

Nagasaki Nagasaki oi oi oi! <--- click here for picturey goodness

Reasons I may be turning Japanese:

1. I almost fell asleep on my train ride home today. I was standing up. The train ride is approximately 13 minutes long. (Japanese people have an affinity for falling dead asleep in places that aren't work and are most usually the train. They can be standing or sitting and it doesn't matter how long or short the train ride is. They will also magically awake when it is their stop.)

2. Last night I made a bowl of noodly soup and opened my silverware drawer and took out chopsticks and sat down and started imbibing and right before I finished realized that though there are forks and spoons aplenty in said silverware drawer I naturally reached for and used the chopstickage. Wha?!

Reasons I may not be turning Japanese:

1. I would kill someone and drink their blood for a Big City Burrito.

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Yes I know it's supposed to be "his or her" blood but it really doesn't have the same threatening ring to it.

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Japan life is good but everybody walks slowly. One Japanese person walking in front of you is dealable and walk-aroundable most of the time. But get two, three, even -- BAH! -- four of them in a group and you're going to be late for wherever you're going it doesn't matter how much time you have or if where you're going is four feet away. That or your head will explode. I mean my head. My head will explode.

Also the modesty issue is a smidge excessive. FOR EXAMPLE -- the doing-your-business experience in my building goes as such:

• you will enter a stall with a door top that goes to the ceiling and about two inches off the floor
• the remaining two inches are covered by slab of rubber meaning there is no way to check if someone is in the stall --
• -- which is fine since the doors are magnetized to stay open when unoccupied
• also the locks are strong enough to keep even the most rabid of wolves out (should they choose to chase you into the bathroom, in which case, lucky you with these super shut stalls!)
• after entering and locking, there will be a soothing woman's Japanese voice saying something
• there will be a ding
• the sound of running water will begin (reminds me of those alarm clocks with "ocean noises" or something -- except it sounds like a constantly flushing toilet) so that nobody will hear you do your thing
• when stuff is done you wave your hand in front of the motion detector ending the flushing noise and actually flushing the toilet
• you then have the option, depending on the nature of your time in the bathroom, to press a button that will spritz a pleasant odor into your stall
• end scene

At first I sort of liked the idea but now I find the whole thing ridiculous. We're all human here (except for me, of course, being a giant with light eyes and all). God forbid we (they) hear each other pee.

-- I do enjoy the heated seats though.

There are three normal elevators in the building where my school is housed and we're on the ninth floor. The elevators are not smart elevators, so sometimes I take the industrial freight elevator on the other side of the building just to avoid waiting ten years. Usually in the freight elevator there is some sort of soothing Japanesey orchestral music playing but as soon as I walked in and the doors closed the other day I heard three chords and then "JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG -- HE WAS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE" etc. etc. For some reason it really surprised and amused me. Even more surprising and amusing was the restaurant worker who got in on the fifth floor and started singing along under his breath. I nearly died of holding-in-laughter-for-four-floors syndrome.

And it's days like today that make me annoyed with living in Japan. Damn you, language barrier!

It is days like today that make me love living in Japan.