Tuesday, December 25, 2007



Well, on my side of the world, Christmas is nearly over! It was very traditionally Japanese Christmas in that I worked. And as evidenced above, I've also got a nasty cold! But worry not, I'm about to curl up with some hot chocolate and Prancer. Merry Christmas everyone! I love you very much and I'll see a lot of you very soon. Yes!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Lauren decided it was time for a Christmas tree.

And lo, the Christmas A-Series Swinging Christmas Tree, Gold it was. She laughed in the face of the poor fool who bought into the B-Series Non-Swinging Silver. Ho ho ho, ha ha ha!


JOY. Now for the unpacking and assembly. Ooo, shiny! So shiny, in fact, that Lauren was distracted for a full twenty minutes before unpacking the remaining effects.


Whatever shall she do? So complicated! So many pieces! So much construction to be done! Vex, vex, vex.


But Hallelujah! Pictographical instructions!


After consultation of instructions and a few calls with a contractor, up went the A-Series Swinger...


...and HARK! The spirit of the season officially started in Japartment-land! There was much rejoicing.

But did it actually swing?


And yes, Lauren was listening to Genesis throughout the building of her A-Series Swinging Gold Christmas Tree. Who better than to get one in the Christmas mood than Phil Collins?

Monday, December 3, 2007

in the cold december rain

Just got in from Christmas shopping, and boy are my arms tired! Wait...that's not right.

Anyway, it was p-p-p-pouring last night and windy windy windy. Here' s what my balcony had to say about it:



I had it on that one spot so long because I was waiting for a train go by because the rain plus wind plus train noise was pretty cool but it didn't happen. Not sure why the lights in my neighborhood look so green either. Perhaps I'm residing in a radioactive area! Crap. It would explain the third eye I've been sporting lately. Huh? What? I'm going to bed.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Culture Club's "Karma Chameleon" has come up in my life thrice today, on unrelated occasions. That's gotta mean something.

Also, I've been having urges to read the Little House on the Prairie books.

And finally, I at last faced my fears of bumps and holes and tried some bubble tea. The tea part was delicious but those little balls of tapioca at the bottom still freak me the beep out.



Loving would be easy if your colors were like my tea - red gold and green, red gold and gree-he-he-een...

Friday, November 30, 2007

sockspicious

It's the last day of National Blog Posting Month and I'm going to celebrate by writing about socks.

Most of the time, after I've finally convinced myself to do laundry (about once every two months), I won't hang my socks up to dry on the balcony with my other clothes as I don't have enough clothespins to clamp all of them down so they don't fly off the back of my building when a strong wind hits (which I've witnessed happening...twice). Instead I put them on the back of my chair, like so*:



Usually I don't sit in my chair when my socks are drying -- I like to give them their space to air out, and besides, they're cranky when they're wet. Because of that, and because I did my laundry right before I went to bed last night, I was quite surprised to notice their position upon waking (and some milling about):



IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE TRYING TO CRAWL DOWN THE CHAIR.

Stripey: I can't take this anymore! I'm blowin' this popsicle stand fellas!
Confetti-y: Yeahs! No kiddings! Let's bail!
White and blackey: Right behind yous guys. Tell that Lauren to go suck a lemon!

I have no idea how it happened. I also have no idea why my socks have the accents of 1920's New Jersey gangsters. I obviously either sat in the chair or bumped it or something but I've no recollection of that happening and besides I noticed it pretty soon after getting up.

And I thought I was doing them a favor by allowing them to dry inside. Puh. I showed them who's boss and balled their sock asses up and put them where they belong: on lock down in the state draweratentiary.

*photo taken retroactively

Thursday, November 29, 2007



Here's the top of my toilet. The top little faucet thing starts after you've flushed and you're supposed to wash your hands with the water that's being used to fill the toilet back up.

But...I can't. I just can't do it. Even though it saves water and everyone else does it and the water is perfectly clean, I still walk across the hall and use the sink in my washroom. It just irks me! I'm spoiled.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

choo choo

Japanese has such similar sounds to English that sometimes when I step onto a train where people are talking I swear I'm hearing English words, like I've come into the middle of a conversation. Really, my ears are tricking me -- I can feel them perk up at the sound of what they think is English -- like a dog's hair standing alert. It's weird.

In other news, one of the cutest things I see about once week are these two junior high school boys in their uniforms running to catch the train that I've just gotten off of -- they always have these huge grins on their faces, like they're gleeful to have been doing whatever made them late and it's so fun just trying to make that train. It makes my heart happy and puts a big old grin on MY face.

DAWWWW THAT'S SO CHEESY.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

homesick limerick

There once was a girl named Lauren
(But in Japan they pronounce it "Roren")

She fought her homesickness with zest
But it won't let her rest

'Til she's statebound December 27 mornin'.

Monday, November 26, 2007

I had a very American day.

I went to Costco with some friends and we bought lots of delicious American foodstuffs (got a whole roasted chicken for Y988! That's like $8.50! Fan-clucking-tastic!) Cinnamon-raisin bagels were also on the agenda. And don't forget about the ridiculously large carton of Goldfish for those magical mac 'n cheese meals! Mmmmm so homelandy.

Afterwards we went to a movie in a movie theater! I haven't been to a movie since I left the States because they're crazy expensive at Y1800 a pop ($16) and for some reason it has bothered me enough to keep me away from the gloriousness that is the movie-going experience. However, if you see the last showing of the day, it's only Y1000. So we did and saw The Bourne Ultimatum. I even got that old feeling I used to have when the movie gets to a quiet part and only then do I remember I have my cellphone turned on with a really loud, obnoxious ringer/vibrate combination that will disrupt the whole audience should someone call at that moment, but then digging around in my bag would be equally disruptive, so I'm on edge hoping no one will call until the movie gets loud again and I can turn it off but usually when it gets loud attention is demanded so I forget about the whole cellphone thing until the next quiet part and I get all on edge again. Tear. It'd been too long...

After that we saw some Norwegians. Not really specifically an American happening, but it happened nonetheless.

VIVA LA COSTCO/MOVIES.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Alright. Phew. Only six more days until National Blog Posting Month is over. For this one I'm dipping into one of the questions I got from my friend Audrey -- she asked what store in Fukuoka will I miss most when I'm no longer here.

The answer is a place that I like to call Hanjiro (because that's the name of the store). Hanjiro has a combination of new and used clothing -- the new stuff is all really well-designed and made (looks like it could be local, but I have no idea), and the old stuff is not all that old and is divided into cool sections (track jackets, argyle sweaters, vintage baseball-style tees, Doc Martens, Converse). It's basically an indie kid clothes heaven. You also get 10% back of any used clothing you buy to put toward your next purchase on a point card (pronounced "point-o card-o")! AND it's huge and looks all cool (click on "shop" and go to "Fukuoka" [duh]).

But what I really really like about it is that a lot of the clothes are fairly unisex, so there's not really a clear men's or women's section -- everyone's just shopping everywhere and so it's not awkward for me (who doesn't wear really girly things and who wouldn't be able to fit in that stuff anyway) to be looking through the clothes that will fit my freakishly long American limbs and torso the best. It's just nice to shop in a place where I feel like I can take my time, nobody cares that I'm shopping there, and I know I can find things that I like and that fit properly (mostly).

Plus I got my key chain there!





His name is Hans.

And on the subject of shopping, let me just say that while I do miss the Christmassy ambiance from not being back home this time of year, I don't miss the full parking lots and horrible crowds that the season brings. Just sayin'.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

azerbaijammin'

There are a lot of maps on the walls in the school which makes sense. I stare at them a lot.

Occasionally I'm reminded of fourth grade geography where the lot of us got a laminated world map that resembled a placement. Not realizing that what I had in front of me was the world flattened out, I didn't understand why everyone kept rounding theirs into a cylinder -- and while I was all well and good with the countries we had been studying so far, I wanted to know what was on the other side. I kept flipping mine over expecting to see the rest of it, but it was just some map facts or something. Dur.

So anyway, the present maps! I stare and I stare and I kind of miss geography class. I decided I wanted quiz myself and I found this place and now I can't stop taking all the geographictastic quizzes! It's Saturday night and it's what I've been doing for the past two hours.

I wonder what normal people are like.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Sooooo, everyone's aware that my best friend Kate is amazing, right?



Good. Just checking.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

gobble gobble

Well, it's Thanksgiving and I'm in Japan.

That means nobody knows I'm not supposed to be working -- I'm SUPPOSED to be stuffing my face with side dishes (the best part of any meal) and then periodically falling asleep while watching some marathon on TV (used to be X-files, then Buffy, or just the standard Christmas Story) and having a grand old time with my slightly loopy but endearing family while inevitably saying "kryptonite" instead of "tryptophan" scattered between card games or pool or football FUHBALL watching and general good tidings!

I tried to explain it to Japan, but Japan just told me to get back to work.

Here's a list of things I'm thankful for:
  • you
Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Daaaaannng it was cold last night. It was so cold it made me want to watch Adventures in Babysitting, aka, the coldest-looking-movie-to-be-in ever.



Seriously, what's colder than a young Elisabeth Shue running around with a bunch of C-list kid actors in the dead of Chicago winter? I don't even want to know.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

extra, extra

Today in the International Herald Tribune (big big English-language New York Times-collaborated internationally distributed newspaper long parenthetical explanation) there was an article about Fort Collins! My coworker alerted me and I was excited, until I found out a lot has changed since I left the Fort:

  • apparently, "Renewal is a way of life" is our official motto, and
  • they might start drilling for uranium? Jigga what?
Did those of you living in or near the FC know about all this? I feel like I've been, well, not LIED to, but at the very least strategically kept AWAY from vital information about my town. I really don't know what to say. This is world-changing news! I demand to be kept abreast of this sort of vital information pertaining to FoCo! How COULD you? My head is reeling from the lack of abreastedness!

Just kidding. The article was actually a little boring -- I didn't even get through it. And here's a blurry picture of it taken with my phone!

Monday, November 19, 2007

sumo media wrestler heavy

Today me and my friend Cristina watched sumo wrestling from 8:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. NO SERIOUSLY.

We didn't really mean to be so extreme about it.

Everything we'd read and heard about one of the six Grand Sumo Tournaments held in Japan per year suggested we needed to be aggressive about procuring two of the hundred tickets set aside daily for non-pre-buyers. The tournament started at 8:30. We figured there'd be a line, even though it's Monday, and dang it, we wanted IN -- so I left my house at 6:10 to meet her in Tenjin at 6:45 just to be safe, since we didn't really know where the event center was.

Luckily, we got on a bus and found someone who appeared to be going to the same destination:



And so we followed, or at least tried to:




(I got scared because when we turned the corner there were a whole bunch of them just standing there, out of nowhere, and they're so...UNREAL, and I didn't want to be all gawky!)

They were all standing there because the doors weren't open yet. Yes -- we got there so early not even the competitors were being let in. So we walked to get some coffee but still wanted to get back about half an hour before show time because surely we'd have some competition in line by then. While out we got a good view of some fall foliage ooo:



When we got back we faced said competition:



It was rough. Especially since we weren't exactly sure when we were allowed in (and since, apparently, I'm only capable of doing things where there's a crowd to lead my way):



Anyway, we were let in and soon found there was no reentry, which meant that we were really REALLY in since all the major matches are in the evening and all the minor matches are at 8:30 in the morning when there's NOBODY there and since we were UP and all we just decided to make a big long day of it.

And I had a blast. It was fantastically entertaining, the entire ordeal -- small match, big match, small wrestler, big (and bigger! oh man, SO bigger) wrestler -- entirely great, and the change in the crowd and amount of pre-fight ritual (ask me about it someday) throughout the affair kept it interesting. Them boys is HUGE.


The ring.


Pre-match ring-entering ceremony.

And here's a whole face-up, rituals and all:


We watched so so so so so many, and it was all so super fun happy Japan timey.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

oh, you

It suddenly turned from comfortably brisk fall weather to chillingly cold winter weather today and my turtleneck, jeans, and thick socks weren't cutting it so I decided to call in the heater guns. Kapow!

My heater is remote-controlled and has, along with the other various controls of the japartment, a diagram of functions drawn by a former tenant to aid in usage on a sheet of paper. I unfolded the sheet for the temperature setting remote-control as it was still on air-conditioning, and what should I find behind said sheet but YOU!



I didn't know you were here! Man, you look great. Let me get a closer look at you!



I love what you've done with your face! Seems like you've been doing fine, nothing too exciting or three-dimensional going on.

Anyway, it was good running into you! I should get going, I might be going to a sumo match tomorrow. It was really good to see you. I'll unfold you if I need anything. See you later!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

I live on the eighth floor and my japartment faces southeastish. Sometimes it's a bit windy because the sea is near, but not it's not usually what one would consider "gusty" or "really frickin' blowin' out there." I can't even tell if the wind is blowing from up here, except when there's this tiniest of breezes in a certain direction -- I don't know what that direction is, but I DO know that it hits SOME area in SOME part of my balcony that makes a sound that could only be imagined to be heard in an old Western with a single saloon and a tumbleweed passing by in the first shot. Upon looking outside, the leaves on the trees below are barely rustling, yet the shrill whistling whooshing highly implies otherwise. It sounds like a typhoon wind SHOULD sound like -- but it's not!

Mostly I just use it as an excuse to pretend it IS crazy windy and horrible out so I can stay in on the weekends. Mostly.

Friday, November 16, 2007

know what i love?

Crackers, of any variety, especially Wheat Thins and Saltines. And puppies! I love them, too. And random Japanese children dressed as old Japanese people!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The people of my neighborhood have a staring problem.

Yes, I'm a foreigner (egads!) Yes, I'm tall (oh my!) Yes, I'm a female without a child in tow or on my way to the market (heaven help us!)

Some days it's fine. I'll be striding along (because the staring only happens when I'm running -- when I'm in a suit and clearly making a contribution to society I might as well be invisible as evidenced by my never never being able to get where I'm going without being blocked/cut off from/walked in front of at a sloth pace) and the jumpsuited construction workers will go about their business, the men and women walking to work won't bat an eye (but they will look kind of dead inside), the really elderly people just keep moving along (but they will look kind of dead outside).

Then there are times like this morning, though, where everyone -- bicyclers, pedestrians -- even the children and dogs -- will not only look alarmed at my presence, but will turn their heads after I've passed their line of sight to watch where I'm going. I wore sunglasses but was stared at in the eye so many times I'm surprised I didn't turn to stone and then carved into with the words "Beware, Gaijin!" (Gaijin means foreigner which apparently means devil person.)

I want to say something to them like "knock it off!" or "WHAT!?!?" or "a hex on you and yours, J-hag!" but I'm afraid it might kill them to hear me speak.

It makes me feel like I'm either doing something terribly wrong or have got a third leg growing out of my forehead, which, if the latter enabled me to run away faster, I suppose wouldn't be so bad. Wait, what I'm a saying!? See, this is what happens when the Japanese people forget their manners. Let it be a lesson.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'm empty. (Not of emotion, but of energy. Oh, work. Curse you!)

I was thinking about wishes and how mine used to be so specific.

When younger I'd rub my eyes in the bath and an eyelash would come loose and I'd place it carefully on the edge of my pointer finger and think for a moment "I wish so-and-so would pass me a note during such-and-such class this Friday" "I wish I would lose 16.7 pounds" "I wish we would move to a small town in Maine near a lighthouse" and blow whoosh off it went.

Now all my wishes are general and sweeping and eyelashless. I wish for war to end. I wish for equality. I wish for the happiness and good health of my friends and family.

Guess the second set is a better bet, but when did I lose my belief in particulars? Hmm.

I wish for a Neapolitan ice cream sandwich as big as my head.


Hey, never mind, I've still got it!

And the Most Pointless Blog of the Day award goes to: (see above).

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Monday, November 12, 2007

So far, blob has been the most difficult on-the-spot word I've been asked to define by a student. Seriously! Think about it. The property of a blob is very specific. Tell me how you would define it and I'll tell you what I said -- a blob swap, if you will. By the way, you have a little something on your shirt.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

eureka!

For YEARS I've been searching for the perfect accompaniment to macaroni and cheese.

In theory, good ol' mac 'n cheese should be perfectly fine on its own -- how can you go wrong with pasta that has the ability to depict a smile or frown smothered in artificial, neon-orange cheese?

But there was always something off when eating the most complicated meal I know how to cook. Its consistency was just so dang mushy I felt like I was either eating baby food or was in the position to be able to give my dentures the day off. It needed another flavor, some crunch, some thing to make it a full, substantial meal.

I tried, it felt like, everything.

The standard hot dog slices proved not to add enough difference in texture. Bread crumbs weren't a drastic enough addition. Trying a sprinkle of salt and pepper was insulting to both the dish and my creativity. And the can of corn a friend suggested be added just ruined the whole pot.

For awhile I moved outside the bowl, thinking a side dish could be the missing link. Salad (too healthy), bread (too many carbs), pretzels and Fritos (too stand-alone-snacky to be included as part of a meal) were all utter failures too. I needed to dive back in.

But after so many failures, I finally resigned myself into accepting that every time I ate the so-nearly-ok cheese and macaroni lunch or dinner, my palate would feel just a smidge unsatisfied.

I pondered this today as I heated the water for my midday meal, so suggested by Carl instead of a bagel with hummus (see? never have to wonder what accompanies bagels) since it was cold out.

Waiting for the water to boil, my eyes wandered to the giant carton of baked Goldfish I'd picked up a couple weekends back. I'd scarcely eaten any because they were a little flavorless and didn't really go with any of the dinners I'd been eating recently. But then I wondered, oh, I wondered...after the draining and the cheese-powder-pack emptying and the margarine and the milk mixing...how would a handful of those Goldfish do?

Perfectly, it would seem.

Or, in other words:



The search is over.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

whoa

Work was long and tiring today so when I sat down on the train I immediately plugged into my iPod and prepared for a good twelve minutes of zoning. Too lazy to consciously choose what to listen to, I hit shuffle and the train departed. First my ears went to Clear the Area by Imogen Heap and when it was finished I was a third of the way home. Girl by Danzig was next and I was two thirds there. Zoning, zoning, all the while, and then and then and then.

And then Around the World by Daft Punk came, and my innocent zonified train ride turned into a full-fledged extended daydream of all those around me suddenly jumping up and doing all the choreography in the video, except using the train aisles and seats and conductor's boxes as a stage -- the salarymen, the office ladies, the school kids, the J-boys, and the old people -- all up, their ties and briefcases flying, in perfectly matched movements on on and off beats, dancing, dancing, moving, moving, me sitting and staring at their rotating hips and shoulders, until we pulled into Kashii Station and the song ended. They all sat down, I snapped back into reality, and I took my ear buds out. ...the heck?

Friday, November 9, 2007

A few mornings ago I burnt my waffles and when I opened the toaster oven door a bit of smoke came out and a lot of burnt waffle smell followed. I tossed the evidence of my failure and began anew.

After successfully toasting and consuming two other waffles, I took a shower.

I'd turned up my water heater level recently because it's getting colder and I like my showers hot -- like searing, pinking skin hot. And so it was.

But I wasn't quite used to how hot my new water level could go, and turned it up a touch too high. As I shuffled around a bit so the water wasn't scalding one particular patch of skin, I smelled a burning smell and thought "oh God I'm COOKING myself!"

But then I realized it was just from the waffles.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

save the whales, hold the bikkle

Good GOD I need to do laundry. I'm practically scaling a mountain of dirty socks (and unmentionables! oh my) just to get to the main room of the japartment (my goal this week was to keep the main room clean, which has thus far meant just chucking any and all things into the hallway.) Here are problems with doing laundry, though:
  1. It requires effort.
  2. Every time I do laundry and hang it up outside, it rains the next day and ruins the laundry, so I'm wasting water which hurts the whales, and I don't want to hurt the whales.
  3. And even if it doesn't rain and I'm not hurting the whales, I still don't take the laundry off the balcony until the next night, and so when I come into the japartment from work, I always think there's someone on my balcony and it freaks me out for a second, and I don't like being freaked out.
  4. And back to that effort thing. Man, the effort. Phew. I mean, geez. Wow. Wowzaaaa. I mean really. It's like CRAZY efforOK FINE I'LL DO MY LAUNDRY.

On an unrelated note, I would like to introduce to you the most unappealingly named beverage of all time:


I present to you: BIKKLE. *shudder* Just say it. Say it out loud. "I could go for a Bikkle right about now." Guh.

To make matters worse, Bikkle is apparently a yogurt drink, gluargggle (that's the sound I think of when I think of Bikkle as a yogurt drink). I haven't tried Bikkle but I'm pretty sure nobody else has either. I fear that if I pay my Y120 and hit that Bikkle button, the world will just implode because it's way too ridiculous that someone would want to drink Bikkle, and if the world implodes then the whales have nowhere to live, and that hurts the whales, too.

Huh. I guess laundry and Bikkle ARE related.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

It's an odd thing, this living abroad.

I have these bouts of homesickness where I'll just stare at the yearlong calendar at work and mentally black out all the time I've been here and look at the white space left and it's too much. I think about all the workdays I have left before then -- all the classes I have to teach, all the days of wearing suits that are still, still there -- and it exhausts me. I'll long for people that know me - really know me - and imagine coming back from a day's work to roommates or family or someone to have a full conversation with. I'll miss everything - going to the post office, the bank, a restaurant - being easy.

But then things always turn around. I'll have good classes and meaningful days of work, weekend plans lined up to look forward to, the meeting and connecting with great people -- people I would never have met if I hadn't come here. And simple things, like my run tonight-- listening to good new music on a four-miler in perfect, perfect fall weather among the uniformed high school students on bicycles weaving through the buildings and businesses -- let me know I'm not done with it. I'll miss the freedom and the adventure, my japartment and my students.

But -- far or soon -- not quite yet.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

how many polacks in japan does it take to recognize shoe polish?

The other day, for a low/intermediate discussion class, I was going through some teaching materials. The purpose of the class was to practice correctly describing what various things are and how they work or how you use them (which actually sounds a little easier than it is, as far as forming full, grammatically correct sentences go). Example:

What's that?
It's a cellphone.
What's it for?
It's for pretending to talk on when you're walking past someone handing out stuff on the street so you don't have to take what they're handing out because your other hand is in your pocket, SUCKERS.

Except more serious. Anyway, there were some pictures of some household items to describe; microwaves, spatulas, placemats. And then there was this:



And here's how it went (phonetically spelled-out for differentiation purposes):

Me: What's this? Poh-lish? I don't get it. What's Poh-lish about this? Is it a poh-lish ashtray? A poh-lish mirror? *shows to coworker*
Coworker: That's shoe pah-lish.
Me: *runs away*

You'd think I'd have more than a quarter of Polack blood in me based on this, wouldn't you?

I've really not been helping to debunk any stereotypes lately.

Monday, November 5, 2007

onsen 'n o.j.

Well, I'm back from Beppu (where there are eight, not seven, hells MY BAD). In the past three days I, with my friend Cristina (yes, I have friend here - that's right, friend, singular), have:
  • gotten a screaming good deal on both travel (Y5000 round trip by train!) and accommodations (Y3500 per night - huge bed and bathroom right next to the station!)
  • made up a song about Beppu (Oh-oh Be-ppu/I just wan-na/walk a-round you)
  • taken a sand bath which was alright
  • taken a mud bath which was amazing
  • soaked in an onsen (hot spring) which took whatever shred of modesty the massage incident in Budapest last year may have left behind
  • had a long chat with this guy:

  • stopped being afraid to take Japanese buses
  • regretted not taking my scarf with me all the time
  • visited a mountain of monkeys and
  • found out that while not murdering or burglaring, O.J. Simpson has actually been hawking snacks with his image on them at shops in Beppu:

It was a fantastic weekend with more details and photos to be shared. Later.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

where do i live?

Last weekend I was sitting in my japartment, probably reading or doing something else to expand my mind (HA - I was wasting time on the Internet and it was glorious) and heard a slight ruckus near the front of the train station next to my apartment building. I walked out my front door and peered down off the stairwell that faces said station. This is what I saw:

I didn't know what was going on but I soon retreated back to my japartment/Internet connection where Japanese people weren't yelling and rolling around on a big blue mat. Later on there was an even LARGER ruckus and I let my curiosity of the real world tear me away from the sweet sweet Internety world. Thank goodness:



Sometimes I don't understand my life.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

-- facts for today:

It's my third blog of National Blog Writing Month in which I'm attempting to blog everyday for the month of November and, as I'm going on a weekend getaway beginning today (hells!), I had to get up early just to write and not fail at my venture the third day in. That would be unacceptable! Inconceivable, even!

I'm in my 30th week and eighth month of living in Japan. Inconceivable...again!

I have to leave in 25 minutes and my hair is still wet and I'm not all the way packed or dressed and I have to take out my trash and go to the bank still. Mmmyeah, that's not inconceivable. Me being on time would be unbelievable.

No more rhyming, and I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?

Oh man, The Princess Bride is so good.

Friday, November 2, 2007

japanese elevator doors can and will chop your hands off

In an effort to minimize the "oh you know what ELSE happens in Japan!?"'s that will be saturating the beginnings, middles, and ends of my conversations once back in my sweet sweet homeland and annoying the bejesus out of everyone, I will try to address some tiny quirks of this tiny quirk of a country before that time comes. Starting...NOW. Up next: elevatorville, population: YOU. And possibly your dog/jump rope/random appendage.

Japanese elevators are hardcore and the doors are NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT motion sensitive -- it took about nine NOT NOT NOT NOT NOTS going through my mind to remember that terrifying and probably occasionally bloody truth after all those times I was dashing to catch one and almost lost a limb trying to get in.

I witnessed a close call once as a non-Japanese friend of mine swung her purse out in an effort to stop the already-closing-doors from closing but the thing just snapped shut and greedily took it up eight stories. Upon returning to our floor, the once-erect handbag lay sadly crumpled and propped in the corner of the empty lift as if to say "what the CRAP did you do that for? I'll never properly accessorize again!"

See? This is what happens when you don't pay attention to the crazy elevator doors of death:


Please note the inside view of the elevator -- you could lose your DOG or your JUMP ROPE for crying out loud.

The picture is fuzzy because it's difficult to take a picture of something with a cellphone on a moving elevator. But what's funny about that particular warning is that it's on the door of a freight elevator that I use instead of the regular ones in my building to avoid the crowd. The only people that use that elevator are guys delivering tons of boxes with various goods inside and other people that work in the building. There's not been a lady with a dog nor a child with a jump rope anywhere NEAR that elevator, ever. Who jumps rope next to an elevator door anyway? If anything the warning sticker should show cardboard getting crushed or a uniformed cellphone shop girl being split in two.

There's also this weird elevator etiquette that happens on account of the doomsday doorage. As in other elevators, there are open and shut buttons to the right of the doors above the floor number buttons. If you get on the elevator and happen to be nearest said buttons, you are the automatic controller of the doors -- it's your job to make sure no one else needs to get on the elevator because, as you know, once them things is closing, man, that's it; plus they'll just stay open far too long if only a few people need to board. Likewise, when the riders are getting off the elevator, it's your job to be pressing the open button until all have departed, and those leaving give a little nod in your direction for your work.

Usually the system works fine -- unless, of course, I'm running late and desperately need to catch the elevator -- then the door controller is almost always going to be a J-hag (big hideous floppy hat, hunched over, evil, inexplicably oblivious to elevator door etiquette) -- then I have to choose between being late or having no right hand. Usually I'm just late. Usually.

Anyway, I'm going to a place called Beppu tomorrow. Apparently there are seven hells there! More on that later.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

i went as a bitter old hag

You know, there's always danger in revisiting anything you used to watch as a kid in that it's likely you'll realize what you watched as a kid was stupid (my God don't even get me started on what happened when I watched Babes in Toyland for the first time in seven years. You'd think Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves wandering around in Cincinnati/Christmasland would be movietastic, but NO. I was shocked and wanted to travel back in time to slap myself for watching it over and over every Christmas.)

Anyway, that's what happened with It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, which is OBVIOUSLY supposed to be a CLASSIC. I put it on to have something to watch whilst folding my freshly laundered socks (ooo!) and good God is that thing LOUD. Like really, really, unnecessarily full of shrill voices and extraneous sound effects.

The Peanuts gang's running all over the place shouting TRICK OR TREAT!!!!! every five seconds and Snoopy's riding around in that plane and it's all BBBBBBBBBBBBBBVVVVVBBBB!!!!!! (or whatever the sound of an annoying cartoon plane looks like it sounds like) for hours and Sally's yelling at Linus for making her sit in the pumpkin patch all night and just, just, just SHUT IT! I'M TRYING TO MATCH MY VARIOUS PAIRS OF WHITE YET SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT LOOKING SOCKS AND I CAN'T DO IT WITH ALL THE NOISE! I kept cringing and making my volume go down lower and lower until it wasn't even worth having on anymore. Classics should have standards, not characters talking and doing stuff at a noise level comparable to feedback. And once again, I'm shocked at the poor taste of my younger self. Slappy slappy slap slap.

And I never really did get the whole Great Pumpkin thing. Was I supposed to learn I should believe in something that clearly doesn't exist so people can yell at me and not get free candy? I'm not falling for THAT again!

Welp, my costume's done. Suck it, childhood.

Edit I: HAHA who am I kidding? You know I'll get excited to watch it next year. And Babes in Toyland time is just a mere two months away. I can't wait!

Edit II: Oh my gosh I just watched this preview for Babes in Toyland and now I want to watch it more than ever.


Monday, October 15, 2007

uh oh

Well, it's happened. I've finally started to get obsessed with Japanese bands. Crap.

I held out for as long as I could because I didn't want to be the loser to goes to Japan and gets all ga-ga over anything Japanese and spends all her free time trolling the 'nets and record stores looking for more stuff to get infatuated over. Dang it. If I lived in America, this wouldn't be happening. Damn yous, Japan! Damn yous!

Well, here's my #1 love for the moment, a group called Boøwy:


Wednesday, October 3, 2007

i bless the rains down in africa

My freshman year college roommate came to Fukuoka and stayed with me for two and half weeks. That she had just gotten back stateside (yes, I'm cool enough to use that term) in July from two years of Peace Corpsing in The Gambia could only mean one thing: I had Toto's "Africa" in my head the entire duration of her visit.

Seriously, seconds 1:11 - 1:33, looped, in my head, the whole time. It was amazing.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Well, I'd been going through a "down with Japan, I want to go home" phase for a couple weeks but I've snapped out of it and am back in a "I love Japan, my job is awesome" state. What does still suck is that I didn't get to see my little sister graduate from college last Friday. I'm upset at not having been there, however, pictures I've seen from the event suggest that I may not have even recognized her anyway -- whomever was in those photos was far too adulty and womanish to have been my little sister. Finally, though, it seems we may both be at the same maturity level.

(Congratulations Lil Sar-Sar! I'm proud of you!)

Sunday, September 2, 2007

My, what a splendid day! Good show, gov'na! Hear, hear! Capital, capital! And whatnot.

Woke up at a semi-reasonable hour and was delighted to see an illustrious rainy Sunday was on northeast Fukuoka's weather agenda. Goody! Rainy Sundays are one of those instant mood-uppers - like puppies. Or hugs. Or hugging puppies! Daw.

Talked to the pops (aka birthday man) and then Carl. Did some good milling about as well as some slight dilly-dalling around before deciding to take a trek from Hakata to Canal City -- a ginormous shopping center/theater building/architectural oddity -- to find a yoga mat. (Been doing a lot of yoga/Pilates-ing lately and needed a more stable surface to balance on than my futon and a more comfortable place to stretch on than my incredibly ouchy hardwood floor.) Please enjoy Canal City's homepage and note the header -- apparently I went to the ONLY place that is new and interesting in Fukuoka. Guess that means it's all downhill from here.

I navigated to the monstrosity well enough but actually finding the mat was a bit of a needle-in-a-haystack experience. Seriously, the place is huge. More good news though is that since I hate being "THAT guy" (in girl form) who keeps taking out a map and scrutinizing every street choice, my employing the "walk 'til I get where I'm going at some point" approach both there and back garnered the discovery of some absolutely charming places around Hakata that I had no knowledge of before. (Although I do realize I run the risk of thinking that merely because everything is pretty damn charming on a rainy Sunday. Also if you're thinking the alternative to being "THAT guy" in girl form probably closely resembles just being pretty lost and wandering, you're probably right.) Also passed two shrines and a temple thanks to the non-map route which will definitley need more exploration when I'm not carrying a giant, crinkly-noise-making bag with a kind of heavy thing in it, a purse, and an open, soaking umbrella.) Photographs shall be taken in the future if I can manage to take a similar path -- I quite intend to try. Charming, I tell you!

Anyway, then home for a nap. I wasn't particularly tired -- but it WAS a rainy Sunday and would have been practically sacrilegious not to embark on a sleepy-time endeavor, all cozy and such. Upon waking from crazy nap dreams that I can only WISH would have been about hugging puppies (although Crispin Glover did make an appearance) I made dinner and bought some new music with my fancypantsy gift card (thanks, babe!) Now will listen to said music and drink tea: rainy Sundays's's's's official beverage.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I made it rain by doing my laundry and hanging it outside to dry. All this time I could have been saving energy and money by putting my wet clothes on the balcony at night and waking up to them still wet due to the cloudy-skyed morning downpour! Awesome!

Actually I didn't really care because the rain meant it cooled down.

But then I guess I did actually care because then I couldn't complain about how hot I was and had to find something else to complain about. That something was not knowing what to eat for lunch.

And you thought Japan would turn commonplace. Puh.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

booya

Pre-Hawaii Flight-Related Events
Lauren's students look like this when she informs them she is afraid of flying, particularly the several who work for various Asia-based airlines. Fear remains.

Midst-Hawaii Flight-Related Events
All flights (China Airlines Fukuoka to Taipei, Taipei to Honolulu, reverse and repeat) are successful and not death-inducing at all. Lauren even thinks some American pilots could take a couple of tips from Chinese pilots on smooth take-offs and landings. Fear subsides a bit.

Post-Hawaii Flight-Related Events
Lauren reads news about a China Airlines Taipei-departed, Japan-bound airplane and is torn between being horrified about the circumstance or delighted to be able to be all HA HA IN YOUR FACE, STUDENTS, NOW WHO'S THE COMPLETELY RATIONAL ONE!? Fear resumes, ten-fold. Students now look like this.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

I am extremely lazy today so there shan't be a super awesome back-from-Hawaii update. My bad. May I offer you some pictures instead? Way cool!

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Gather 'round, my children, and I'll tell ye a tale. (Or three.)


Tale One

The Big-Ass Cockroach vs. Lauren

I've never actually seen a real cockroach save for those safely encased in a bug box at Denver's Butterfly Pavillion. This probably explains why my glasses-free eyeballs didn't immediately recognize the big black being attached to my wall as one of the free-range variety. The moment inside my head went as such:

Doo doo doo I'm just minding my own sweet business...nothing special going on, no SireeBob Lauren's brain tra la la ho hum...hey...HEY...what the...HEY HEY HEY wassat? Wassat WASSAT!?? Is that...no, no it can't...my GOD and FOR THE LOVE OF MOSES. Ew ew ew EW EW EW EW EW EW I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WALLS WITH FIST-SIZED BUGS ATTACHED TO THEM WALJDFKJDSLFKJLKDJFLKSDLFKJL JESUS HELP ME.

Also included were roughly four to five air-depleting gasps, a lot of peering of the disbelieving persuasion, and several "ew there's a ginormous bug in my apartment and I don't know what to do" dances. And after warding off a couple major panic attacks, then came the Plans.

Plan A consisted of burning down the Japartment but I ran out of matches.

Plan B was to fly my Dad out to take care of the bastard but I had to scratch that because I didn't want to pay for the taxi ride back from the airport since the trains close at midnight and cab fares are ridiculous.

[Plans C through Q edited out for graphic language and action.]

Plan R is the one that finally took.

It included attaching a long piece of packing tape over an empty cardboard jewelry box leftover from the birthday-present-getting-extravaganza of yesterweek to trap the roach's unwelcome behind in and to be taped to the wall (the box, not his behind). Round 1 didn't fare so well as the force with which I slammed the box on the wall made the sides ricochet off and ALSO effectively dislodged his hold on the wall causing him to drop, bounce off my chest, and continue, unharmed, to the ground. It also effectively caused the most banshee-inspired howl I've ever let out accompanied by another icky bug dance. Really, I had no idea I could scream that loud. I wondered why my neighbors didn't immediately start knocking on my door inquiring about my status of aliveness when I realized they were likely dead due to their blood curdling and all.

Plan R.2 proved a failure in the form of a brief, wince-filled standoff with him behind the curtain and me waiting for him to show his buggy self. It ended with me finally shaking the curtain and icky bug dancing some more. At least I got some good cardio in.

Thankfully, Plan R.3 proved successful as I gently (lesson of too much force learned) rested the cardboard dungeon over the roach's head and then dropped nearly 800 pages of weighted protection over it thanks to my newly finished-copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Chalk it up to yet another evildoer finished off by Potter 'n friends. The roach is no more.

Tale Two
Marked Territory

Coming across other Western-world foreigners isn't an anomaly here. I work next to a large train station and bus terminal and am often in the downtown area where the cool hip foreign-people-attracting happenings happen. I pass one or two taller, fatter, lighter-haired people per day, giving a polite nod or purse-lipped smile not intended to communicate anything other than "you're probably just as confused as I am, ol' Chap, too bad, eh? Watch out for seizure-inducing robots."

Last night, however, I spotted a foreigner in a spot where I've never encountered another of my ilk -- at the grocery store one station away from mine. It was surprising as 1) I've really never EVER seen another foreigner there and I frequent the place twice a week, 2) the area around the station is developing and akin to boonie-ville, and 3) he was wearing a large traveling backpack, suggesting a brief stay and not a permanent residence, so why the heck would he have been here?

Once I recognized the intrusion I sort of balked in front of the store's sliding doors, not knowing whether to perform my usual "yes-we-both-recognize-we're-outsiders-isn't-that-hilarious-hee-hee jovial times" facial expression or to grab the nearest pitchfork and run after him shouting "get off my property!"

Honestly it really, really weirded me out. Throughout my shopping I kept seeing his head bobbing as he walked quickly up and down the aisles, clearly with no set path and obviously retracing steps already taken, searching for familiar brands no doubt, probably being startled at the minuscule jelly jar sizes and their equally humongous prices. I thought of offering help. "The shredded cheese is over here!" I could have yelled. "It took me seven trips to recognize the packaging! And here's the best ramen brand. Stay away from that one with the goblin-looking thing on the front - it tastes like rotting pencils!"

But I didn't. Instead I got more and more defensive at his infiltration of my precious marketplace, getting all shifty-eyed and perturbed, thinking I'm the one supposed to be squeezing by the always-in-the-way elderly locals and making the check-out clerks nervous -- how dare he just barge in here like that and rifle through my marked territory! I didn't pee amongst the lemons and lotus roots for nothing you know. Next time, I'm out for blood.

Tale Three
Heh

The other night I was on my way home and on the train spotted a girl playing a sea-foam green Nintendo DS that perfectly matched the shirt she was wearing and I didn't know if it was kinda cute or totally totally lame. After staring some more and going back and forth for a bit on the decision (admittedly 14-minute-train-ride-thoughts aren't on the most weighty of topics) I was leaning greatly toward totally totally lame until I looked down at my red iPod that matched my red nails...and...red undershirt and...red purse.

Final decision: coordinating (purposefully or not) technology with one's outfit is super super uberifically awesome and not lame at all.

(But boy was my face...also red. Dang.)

Monday, July 23, 2007


Hello my name is Lauren. You may remember me being born in such decades as the 80's.

I thought I would be all freaked out about turning 24 and all but then I received some totally bitchin' packages. Unfortunately the sweaty mail guy delivered them on Saturday -- a full two days before my birthday -- and they were staring me in the face all the live long weekend. Heavens!

I held out long enough to make some tea on Sunday and take my time unpacking the contents in preparation for midnight.

See here's me being trying to be noble about it -- still at the callow age of 23 -- so naive, so unruly! Lord how much I've wised up since 32 hours ago!

Loot, loot, glorious loot!

What an awesome birthday! You may think it might have been lonely sitting there and opening my presents without a friend or family member in sight -- but really I was surrounded by all the care and love from all the people I care about and love. (Plus I started talking to whatever newly-acquired lovely gift I'd just opened as if it were the person or persons who gave it to me -- even made the cards talk by making them flap open and close just like a mouth HAHAHA 24-YEAR OLD LAUREN IN JAPAN IS CRRRAAAZZZYYYY!!!!!) Observe:

Thanks, card!

(But really. Thank you to everyone for making my birthday just as special as it would have been were I back home. I love you all so much and it just proves once again how unbelievably lucky I am. 24! Holy crap!)

Monday, July 16, 2007

a weekend of hyperlinks

If I had to choose three things to sum up this weekend they would be:
  • a typhoon
  • butts
  • more butts
The main destructo path of Typhoon Man-yi wasn't too close to Fukuoka but that didn't stop the clouds from going all Neverending Storyish (see seconds 23 - 30 for reference). It also didn't stop me from sitting on my floor all day and watching the outside expecting it to get worse and fantasizing about rationing my food (Pop Tarts would be eaten first; tasteless Japanese oats I accidentally bought instead of rice would be last). It went like this:



That evening I put my camera and wallet into plastic baggies and left my bunker to meet some other teachers in Tenjin and make a night of it waiting for the final phase of the Yamakasa Festival beginning at 4:59 a.m. (Seriously click that link and read about it because I'm too lazy to type an explanation.)

It was nice to be out with a purpose, not trying to make the last train home, not dreading having to wait until 5:50 for the first train or pay 3500 yen for a taxi home after you've (I've) missed the last train. The place we were in had a blackout for a while, but we happened to have candles, and so the intense game of Jenga being played continued while the rest of the patrons stared at us playing new Fire-Jenga. Or at least it seemed like they were probably staring. I don't really know because they were in complete darkness.

We then moved on to an izakaya with good music and fish flakes aplenty and finally joined the other throngs of people around the area of Kushida Shrine for the race. Here's the only picture I was brave enough to take of an official Yamakasa team uniform:



Oh my. As there are hundreds of men on each of the seven teams, things got a little...cheeky.

I was cracking up.

And after piddling all day long the minute before the race began sheets of ran started pouring but things didn't get behind.

Ok, I'm done now. Anyway, here's a little video of the second team's start:



After the shenanigans dissipated I went to breakfast with Shinji, a teacher from my school, and we had a good long it's-insanely-early-in-the-morning-and-we've-been-up-all-night-talk. Then I went home and got my soaking but completely covered posterior to bed. It was a kick-ass time -- no butts about it.

No, really, I'm done now.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Fourteenth week! Fourteenth week! I've been in Japan long enough to proclaim "fourteenth week!" in regards to my residency and have it be true! But really, who's counting? I am! I am! Fourteenth week! I'm not counting down but rather merely counting.

In the months leading up to my departure when I was obsessively obsessing over my future Japan life I always imagined this time -- fourteenth weekish, three monthish time -- being the point where I would be completely fine -- I just had to make it until now and the rest would be gangbusters. I don't know that I've really been so completely not fine as to be waiting for this moment -- but I am in a very comfortable place.

This week went down quick and strong like a - uh - simile I can't think of. Monday I joined Cristina and Shaun for our follow-up training session at Kyushu Honbu (headquarters). It was painless enough (except for my manic rush to get there in the morning as the heavy rain made my train five minutes late causing me to miss my subway connection to Tenjin [downtown], boo) and afterwards I headed back to Hakata to teach my two night classes.

Tuesday I got up super early to correspond with a travel agency to look at my options for the upcoming O-bon holiday since my brain chose this week to start going batty over making set plans. O-bon "celebrates the spirits of the dead, who are believed to return to their homes at this time" (Takada and Lampkin 45). Since I didn't want to feel overcrowded by all the extra Japanese ancient spirits wandering the streets (and the 200% mark-up of flight and lodging prices, not, presumably, because of the dead people), I decided to make plans outside of Japan and was looking seriously into Korea, China, and Australia, half-seriously looking into Thailand, Nepal, and Indonesia, and not-seriously-but-just-checking-for-curiosity's-sake looking into eastern Russia and holy run-on sentence, Batman! The problem with the above places is the Lauren-traveling-alone factor and the traveling-is-exhausting factor. I only get August 9th to the 15th off, and as much I as I enjoy my alone time and exploring, I have plans to be in the throes of both in the next six months or so to take advantage of my three-day weekends with various trippage to Tokyo and Kyoto and such. I started looking at flying to Paris to visit Kate or flying home to visit - everyone - but the expense was killer. Anyway where I'm going with all of this is I'm meeting Carl in Hawaii because I don't want to do much and I want to read English and I don't want to be around short people. Also, because, I like, miss the boyf.

So plans were set and I got up early again on Wednesday to go downtown to make my final reservations and pay for the ticket and whatnot. After I got off the subway and was walking to my giant building destination I thought -- what the heck is this life? I'm walking downtown in a city of five million people heading to a Japanese travel agency to pay for an airline ticket I negotiated myself with money from my salary - I earn a salary - and I'm wearing a suit and and and --- what? It's all very adulty. But the weirdest part is it's also completely handleable. It's only odd when I really think about it. Anyway.

Thursday up early again as it is my busiest day and the day where my trainer is coming to observe all of my classes. Boo. Actually things went really well -- I got great feedback and the classes went (for the most part) nicely. But that doesn't mean I wasn't up all night and morning fretting about it beforehand!

And then today. I get to breathe today.

However, because of this busy week, my Japartment is the most cluttery Japartment in all of Japartment land. Ah well.

But yes, things are fine. Great, really. Fourteenth week, fourteenth week, fourteenth week, and all is well.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

adventures in japartment land

I planned to spend part of the weekend hunting down and eradicating the lone mosquito that has been hiding somewhere in my apartment and taking up shop on my body after I've fallen asleep every night this week. Each morning I've awoken to a few new minuscule but itchy-as-crap flesh wounds which don't mesh well my morning toast feeding (chew scratch chew scratch chew) and dang does that make me cranky.

However, he's not to be found. Occasionally I see him flash before me and I rise and dart my head around and swing my arms and try to create some sort of crazy tornado of Lauren that he can't land on and must buzz away from -- preferably in my view. But he's nowhere.

Anyway oh hey look at that I'm still typing in italics.
Anyway it's been somewhat dark and definitely overcast recently which makes me feel like I should be bundled up and reading somewhere with a bone-warming beverage. It's still hot and muggy though -- so hot and muggy that even when there's a strong breeze the air is too thick to come through the balcony screen and refresh the apartment and that makes my bones feel all melty. I've taken to shutting the glass door and running the air conditioning full on and standing with a cup of tea looking out and pretending it's as cool outside as the fake air within. It appears I'm in for a long summer.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I've been drinking a lot of Grape Fanta and rainy season started yesterday. I'd say the two aren't really connected but in Japan one can never be too sure.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Here's who's standing in front of the array of hot pre-made dinners at a local shop nightly:
  • ten or so salarymen without wives to cook for them
  • me

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Nagasaki Nagasaki oi oi oi! <--- click here for picturey goodness

Reasons I may be turning Japanese:

1. I almost fell asleep on my train ride home today. I was standing up. The train ride is approximately 13 minutes long. (Japanese people have an affinity for falling dead asleep in places that aren't work and are most usually the train. They can be standing or sitting and it doesn't matter how long or short the train ride is. They will also magically awake when it is their stop.)

2. Last night I made a bowl of noodly soup and opened my silverware drawer and took out chopsticks and sat down and started imbibing and right before I finished realized that though there are forks and spoons aplenty in said silverware drawer I naturally reached for and used the chopstickage. Wha?!

Reasons I may not be turning Japanese:

1. I would kill someone and drink their blood for a Big City Burrito.

---

Yes I know it's supposed to be "his or her" blood but it really doesn't have the same threatening ring to it.

---

Japan life is good but everybody walks slowly. One Japanese person walking in front of you is dealable and walk-aroundable most of the time. But get two, three, even -- BAH! -- four of them in a group and you're going to be late for wherever you're going it doesn't matter how much time you have or if where you're going is four feet away. That or your head will explode. I mean my head. My head will explode.

Also the modesty issue is a smidge excessive. FOR EXAMPLE -- the doing-your-business experience in my building goes as such:

  • you will enter a stall with a door top that goes to the ceiling and about two inches off the floor
  • the remaining two inches are covered by slab of rubber meaning there is no way to check if someone is in the stall --
  • -- which is fine since the doors are magnetized to stay open when unoccupied
  • also the locks are strong enough to keep even the most rabid of wolves out (should they choose to chase you into the bathroom, in which case, lucky you with these super shut stalls!)
  • after entering and locking, there will be a soothing woman's Japanese voice saying something
  • there will be a ding
  • the sound of running water will begin (reminds me of those alarm clocks with "ocean noises" or something -- except it sounds like a constantly flushing toilet) so that nobody will hear you do your thing
  • when stuff is done you wave your hand in front of the motion detector ending the flushing noise and actually flushing the toilet
  • you then have the option, depending on the nature of your time in the bathroom, to press a button that will spritz a pleasant odor into your stall
  • end scene

At first I sort of liked the idea but now I find the whole thing ridiculous. We're all human here (except for me, of course, being a giant with light eyes and all). God forbid we (they) hear each other pee.

-- I do enjoy the heated seats though.

There are three normal elevators in the building where my school is housed and we're on the ninth floor. The elevators are not smart elevators, so sometimes I take the industrial freight elevator on the other side of the building just to avoid waiting ten years. Usually in the freight elevator there is some sort of soothing Japanesey orchestral music playing but as soon as I walked in and the doors closed the other day I heard three chords and then "JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG -- HE WAS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE" etc. etc. For some reason it really surprised and amused me. Even more surprising and amusing was the restaurant worker who got in on the fifth floor and started singing along under his breath. I nearly died of holding-in-laughter-for-four-floors syndrome.

Monday, June 4, 2007

And it's days like today that make me annoyed with living in Japan. Damn you, language barrier!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

It is days like today that make me love living in Japan.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Last week I got a package.



I unpacked it with gusto. The contents never seemed to end! I got food and pajamas and comfy things for my futon and reading materials and all sorts of wonderful things.



I filled my cupboard with lovely American food (bottom shelf) as opposed to stupid Japanese food (other lame shelves).

Yay, things!!!













So to Mom, Dad, Sar-Sar, Mister, Nada, Christina, Grandma, Aunt Pie, and Aunt Kiki:



I will be enjoying your gifts and thinking of you (especially during the sad, sad time my last Pop-Tart will be getting eaten in between sobs). Love yous guys!